Aman's Antinomies.

2011 Retrospective.

2012-01-01T23:06:00.000+08:00

I wanted to redesign the blog and write this entry before 2011 ended, but due to some last-minute plans, I had to postpone it to today.

Looking back at the year that has just left us, 2011 has been a year of transition, progress and stability for me.

Transition

I officially graduated from undergraduate life and moved on to working life in 2011. Wrapping up the last bits of my degree course that I would spend time in university in from January to March was a hectic yet memorable journey. Deciding to complete my Final Year Project in a record time of one short semester was the biggest and rewarding gamble I had ever taken throughout my student life. However, it wouldn't have been possible without the support of probably the only true friend I made in university life.

Sometime in February, I managed to secure an internship - which was my final semester, with a company that I would have never expected to be able to make the cut. Everything went better than expected, as I really enjoyed the experience, and the company subsequently became my first employer and I am having the time of life there. My longtime childhood friend, Shao Min, deserves the credit for this; without her persistence and encouragement in getting me to apply, the thought would've always been rubbished from my mind. Thank you, old friend, if you're reading this.

Moving on to friendship, Aurelia, Amanda and Elaine were my strongest emotional support network for the past five years or so. They have consistently been there for me, sharing my happiness on brighter days, and supporting me throughout the darker ones. However, this year, all three of them pursued the next phase of their lives overseas, starting with Elaine in May, followed by Aurelia in July, and ending with Amanda in December. While I am truly happy for them, I have to admit that I am still trying to adapt to their absence. All the best, the three of you, if you're reading this.

It is also worth noting that I attended two friends' weddings and a friend's engagement in 2011. While not a personal transition, this serves as a reminder that despite me not rushing to get married anytime soon, I am at the stage of life whereby these things are starting to get taken into consideration.

Progress

This section may sound a little conceited so please bear with me.

My mentality and outlook on life have changed significantly since I started working. Yes, I have my vulnerable moments, but I am no longer the obsessively overthinking person I once was, even if I do tend to overthink, I have gotten better at suppressing it. When I get back from work, I am often too tired to bother with things that upset me; instead, I focus on things that make me relaxed or happy, e.g. music, reading, gaming or just chatting with my favourite people. This has done wonders in calming my temperament. I have also started to see things from another perspective, which has led to a little bit of conflict of interest between myself and certain people, which needs some sorting out.

I am also going to be honest and say that I enjoy work more than my student life. Throughout my university, I never had the feeling of belonging. For better or worse, pretty much everything about me differed from my coursemates. Mutual respect and general friendship exists, of course, but it was at a very impersonal level - just enough to get along. Having said that, I would like to stress that there's nothing wrong with my coursemates, and maybe it's just me. Once I started working, though, I met a bunch of people that I could really get along with, professionally and personally, and started to feel truly happy and fulfilled in both counts. Without a doubt, work is challenging, but the wonderful environment I am in makes things so much better.

[Generic] Starting work also exposed me to real-world application of the knowledge gained in university, and I am fascinated to see everything cascading into a significant business until this day. [/Generic] My career has also gotten off to a pretty good start, and I was promoted - for the lack of a better word - to a more technical role three (or six, depending on when you start counting) months into the job. At the moment, I am still adapting, but I believe that things can only go up from here. Recently, I was also called to be a guest speaker at a workshop for university students, and that experience provided me with a completely different outlook on things. I'm truly excited to see how things will go this year.

Finally started playing sports again as well, woots!

Stability

Frankly speaking, it has been quite some time since I felt really at peace and comfortable with myself.

For these past few years, I have been dealing with emotional problems pertaining to the matters of the heart (what else?) rather extensively, and in certain moments of insanity and loss of self-control, I did things that had pretty massive consequences on myself and the people around me. I lost a few friends as a result and I regret it to this very day. I can only hope that I can make amends one of these days.

In 2011, save for a brief period whereby I was a little confused between caring as a friend and as a potential partner (and drifted apart from a friend as a result), alhamdulillah, I have been free from any sort of love life emotional turbulence. Quite the opposite has happened last (nearly typed this) year in fact; I actually managed to feel truly smitten - an emotion that has eluded me since 2008. Truly, beautiful things happen when you least expect them. I have no idea how far things can go though, but I am trying, and hopefully 2012 will give me an answer to that.

Thank God for a stable career as well.

That pretty much sums up the reflection aspect on my 2011.

I don't usually do this, but since I've done a fair bit of things last year, I'd like to list the breakdown of events throughout 2011 by month, as far as my memory allows..

[January 2011]

Met someone whom Aurelia has been wanting me to meet for the longest time
Started my final semester in university, and second last of my degree. Final Year Project took precedence over everything else

[February 2011]

Went to Singapore with the KR family to catch Iron Maiden in action
Secured my internship
Finished my Final Year Project

[March 2011]

Two friends got married on the same day
Went to Langkawi after final exams with my family

[April 2011]

Started internship

[May 2011]

Elaine left to Singapore to pursue her career

[June 2011]

Offered a full-time job in the company of internship, committed my first serious mistake on the same week
Finished internship on the 30th

[July 2011]

Started my career on the 12th - took medical leave the next day
Internship results came out - I officially became a graduate!
Caught the Arsenal training session and Arsenal vs Malaysia
Caught the Malaysia vs Singapore World Cup Qualifier at Bukit Jalil National Stadium, where Malaysia lost
Aurelia left to Australia to pursue her Masters
Attended my first company annual dinner - I actually dressed up to the theme!

[August 2011]

First fasting experience in the office
Bought a Sony Bravia 32CX520 TV for my room
THE 8-2 game

[September 2011]

First Hari Raya where I started to give out duit raya instead of receiving; felt really good to see my nephews and nieces happy and surprised
A friend came back for a one-month break, went on three dates (or "dates", for fear of getting ahead of myself), felt smitten after the first one
First birthday celebration in the office
Said friend left a few days after my birthday

[October 2011]

Moved to Technical from Operations
Convocation - I am now officially a BSc (Hons) Information Technology (Computer Science) with second-class upper honours holder!

[November 2011]

Sent out a birthday surprise to somebody, only to ruin it myself by being impatient and spilling the beans two days before it arrived
Bought my first home theater system, a Yamaha YAS-101

[December 2011]

Bought a Samsung Galaxy Nexus and tickets to catch Judas Priest in Singapore in February 2012
Amanda left to Australia to pursue her Masters

This ends my 2011 retrospective. Stay tuned for 2012's resolutions and expectations soon, if I get down to writing them here.

N.B. This super long entry took two hours to write. Oh well!

Holy Crap!

2011-12-28T16:07:00.001+08:00

I'm not one to believe in horoscopes/zodiacs/the works and usually take them with a pinch of salt, but this hit home like never before O_O

***

If you're wondering how compatible you are with the object of your affections, it is wise to consult the Chinese zodiac. Your Chinese horoscope sign says a lot about your chances of success with your mate.

As a Dragon, you are powerful, magnetic, and ruthless. You are generous and open with those you love, but have no compunctions about what you do to others to obtain success in business. Smart, confident, and charming, you likely have no shortage of suitors. No matter what you look like, you are powerfully attractive. Your weakness is that your confidence depends on the admiration of others, which means you feel quite powerless in all areas of your life without a dedicated lover or throngs of admirers.

Snakes have much in common with Dragons. If you have fallen in love with a Snake, you might not yet realize what a formidable opponent you have found, because snakes are soft spoken and keep their real feelings and intentions close. You may be attractive [I think the author meant attracted] to the fluid grace and put together appearance of a Snake, because Snakes, especially women, prefer to dress in fine clothes. Snakes are not wasteful spenders, however; they are good with finances and will save and make sacrifices in order to afford the very best.

Like you, your Snake is accustomed to success and attention. She isn't as flashy as you, because she has a quiet self-possessiveness that you do not. You will find her irresistible because there is a magnetic attraction between the two of you - you are both passionate lovers.

If you can share a little control with a Snake, you are likely to have a strong union. Snakes are very devoted to their mates, and her romantic passion will buoy you up and give you the confidence to succeed. It may be hard for you to admit, but your Snake might just be better at handling finances than you! You both love fine things, but a Snake will not overspend her finances, and it may be wise to take her advice!

If you love a Snake, resist all temptation to stray. Although as a Dragon you may have many admirers, do not make the mistake of forgetting about your love's hidden fangs. Snakes are possessive in relationships, and suffer from strong jealousy. Once mistreated, a Snake will plot horrible revenge, and will not give up until she achieves it, even if it takes years. The good news is that Snakes are beautiful, powerful, smart, and seductive, so she should be able to hold your interest.

A Snake will be a wonderful partner to you, as she will make a great impression on all of your business partners. Her cool demeanour and ability to mingle with powerful people will be an asset to your goals, and the two of you are destined to be at the top. If you want a union full of passion and personal satisfaction that will also bring you even more power, it's hard to do better than a Snake.

***

Ignore the superlatives used to describe the strengths; from the assessment of the Dragon's personality to the reasons one is attracted to a Snake, everything is exactly how I feel at the moment. Eerie!

Yet Another.

2011-12-18T19:03:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a sad day for me as I sent yet another one of my best friends off.

Amanda has been a constant figure in my life since I met her a good five years ago. It's not an exaggeration to say that we practically watched each other grow up since A-Levels. She was always there, be it to support, cheer, listen or console, throughout my highest and lowest points in these past five years - heartbreaks, successes, failures, you name it.

No matter how hectic our schedules are, we have never lost touch over long periods - even if our timetables don't allow us to meet each other, we always make it a point to chat whenever we can, and meeting each other becomes a priority once our schedules ease up. We have had disagreements, but never arguments.

Amanda is one of the most, if not THE most, genuine people I've ever met. Over the years, I've made many questionable decisions and blundered badly, but never did she judge me based on them; most importantly, she never left my side throughout - she always said she would take my side, even if my side was the wrong one. I can also always count on her for personal advice, and she has never withheld anything from me - both the good and the bad.

It's no wonder that she graduated with a first-class honours in ~~medicine~~ Medical Science, and has left to Australia to ~~specialise~~ pursue her postgraduate studies. This was corrected after she corrected me :P

All that said, it goes without saying that I will definitely miss having her around.

That's two best friends lost to Australia this year. On the bright side, I still have The Brotherhood, The Colleagues, and other great individuals around. Plus, some other friends have finished their overseas chapters and will be returning home soon, for good I hope.

But, with all due respect to everyone above, nobody will ever replace those two. ~~Except a girlfriend.~~ I hope that they will return.

These Are The Days Of Our Lives.

2011-12-05T00:06:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I get to feelin'

I was back in the old days long ago

When we were kids, when we were young

Things seemed so perfect you know?

The days were endless, we were crazy we were young

The sun was always shinin' we just lived for fun

Sometimes it seems like lately I just don't know

The rest of my life's been just a show

Those were the days of our lives

The bad things in life were so few

Those days are all gone now but one thing is true

When I look and I find, I still love you

You can't turn back the clock, you can't turn back the tide

Ain't that a shame?

I'd like to go back one time on a roller coaster ride

When life was just a game

No use sitting and thinkin' on what you did

When you can lay back and enjoy it through your kids

Sometimes it seems like lately I just don't know

Better sit back and go with the flow

'Cos these are the days of our lives

They've flown in the swiftness of time

These days are all gone now but some things remain

When I look and I find no change

Those were the days of our lives, yeah

The bad things in life were so few

Those days are all gone now but one thing's still true

When I look and I find, I still love you

I still love you

***

Amazing song. Incidentally, the last one Freddie Mercury recorded a music video for before he died.

Sometimes I feel like a part of me is trapped in a time warp, but, on the other hand, maybe it's just waiting for the right person to move on. Or the right time to rekindle the past as new people.

*shrugs*

I don't know and just don't care anymore. Come what may.

Galaxy.

2011-12-01T23:58:00.006+08:00

First and foremost, I'm aware that I haven't been updating for awhile, for better or worse.

Today's update is gonna be a brief one - nothing too heavy on emotions, but rather a borderline fanboyish post on the gadget that I've been drooling on a fair bit.

Anyone who knows me personally will know that the gadget is none other than the Google Galaxy Nexus.

Every Android fan will know how special is the Nexus line to the ecosystem - it is the one and only Google-sanctioned phone, which means that it is always on the forefront of software updates, straight from Mountain View itself.

Furthermore, since the Nexus line is developed by Google, it will set a standard for all other Android devices in terms of hardware specifications and software performance, as the launching version of Android (4.0 in this case) is optimised for that particular set of specs. In other words, there will be no Android phone with similar hardware that can perform better than the Nexus.

The Nexus line also comes with a vanilla - i.e. uncustomised - version of Android, which means that it is devoid of any customisations, e.g. Sony Ericsson's UXP, Samsung's TouchWiz and HTC's Sense. It is Android like how Google meant for it to be experienced.

Honestly, I've never warmed up to TouchWiz and Sense - the former is trying too hard to be an iPhone while the latter is too gaudy. I prefer something elegant and understated. The only customisation I actually like is UXP, but even that has its bugs and annoyances, especially when likeminded apps are present.

Therefore, from a geek's perspective, a Nexus phone is like a white canvas, all ready for customisation. App compatibility will also be at its finest, without any interference from manufacturers' user interface overlays. Having said that, I will really miss Timescape or any other method of social network integration.

For all the reasons above, I have decided that the Galaxy Nexus will succeed my Xperia X10i. I have recently given my X10i a new lease of life by putting in a custom ROM that greatly enhanced its performance, but I think its time is up :)

The only things I foresee I will miss from my X10i will be its 8mp camera as compared to the Galaxy Nexus's 5mp, which reviews say is a tad underwhelming, and of course Timescape, as mentioned earlier. But we'll see - the sum of its parts will definitely be greater than the individual parts themselves.

I can't wait for our local telcos to bring it in. Please let it be sooner rather than later!

Pardon the simplicity of this post; I wanted to give a greater insight, but my mind is a little tired at the moment.

Still of the Night.

2011-10-28T23:08:00.007+08:00

What is life without crossroads and changes?

We'll meet many people throughout our lives, and laugh and cry with them until we part ways, i.e. go in different directions in our lives.

Is it too much to hope that our paths will cross again?

Yes, more often than not it's good riddance, and better things happen to take their place. However, sometimes, I really wonder what could happen if things were to be rekindled with a higher level of maturity.

But I suppose that's just the really stubborn part of me talking.

Change is inevitable, the only constant.

And life is pretty darn good at the moment :)

Speaking of which, this place needs an overhaul. Soon.

End of a Chapter.

2011-10-16T23:21:00.002+08:00

Finally, the curtains on my university life have officially drawn to a close.

My convocation was an eventful one on a personal scale, because of the timing of things, but it was ultimately a success.

In the picture, I am flanked by my parents, and my uncle and aunt - the latter is my late mum's sister, whom she and my family were closest to. I really wanted them to come to my graduation in honour and memory of my mum and I'm glad that they really wanted to go as well. It was the next best thing to having my mum there.

Timing seems to be impeccable too; I will be starting a new role in the project tomorrow - one that will require a lot more skill, maturity and understanding from me. I'm nervous but excited at the same time. Can't wait to learn a lot more - I'm sure I will really start to develop and make a mark in this role.

Guess graduation took on a double meaning :)

A lot of things have been going on in my mind lately, but I came to a conclusion that it's always better to focus on what's right rather than what's wrong, because life can never be perfect. There are many things that I wish had happened differently, but deep down inside, I know that God has better plans for me.

On another note, I hope she responds soon........

Cold Comfort for Change.

2011-09-22T00:07:00.003+08:00

It was a refreshing change in feelings, as opposed to my usual cynicism and flatness in emotion; something I haven't felt in a really long time - just a little bit above two years, to be precise.

I believe I've found what I've been looking for, but I haven't the slightest idea how to act or react. What to look out for and what to expect. To stay where I am and not change anything, or to pursue something new. Perhaps I should try, but, I'll admit, I'm afraid.

But then again, no guts, no glory, eh?

I can't figure out whether I want or need that change, but if it happens, it's a welcome one regardless.

Oh well, we'll just have to see what happens naturally along the way.

*Equips self with extremely little to no expectations and anti-break equipment*

Here goes nothing.

Still Alive.

2011-09-18T01:14:00.003+08:00

I will update properly. Soon. I hope. I need to exercise this part of my brain. I want my eloquence back.

My 22nd year is fast coming to a close.

It's funny how things have worked out; unexpected, yet somewhat predictable.

Plenty of things have changed. Some good, some bad, some I wish never happened.

But I suppose we just have to learn to pick up the pieces and move on with it, and hope that somewhere along the way, the pieces reconcile, only if for the better though.

I have some things I want certain people to know, but I guess I haven't found the strength nor bravado to say them.

I am also struggling to obtain certain things, but I know that until I can overcome a major weakness of mine, I will get nowhere near it.

All that said.. I am glad that my life has finally found some stability, hence leading to those moments where I just feel like severing that part of my brain to forget the period when I was, for lack of a better word, re-discovering myself.

Well, that's just how it is.

Not Farewell, but See You Again.

2011-08-01T22:46:00.004+08:00

I had an interim entry up on 20th July, but I removed it after realising that it was quite.. inappropriate.

The reason behind my absence is.. I've been trying to carve a work-life balance for myself. Well, sort of. I've been really busy with work and my free time is usually taken up in advance, so I tend to use the time I truly have to myself to.. game. Hey, it's a good temporary release from the trials and tribulations life tends to throw at me.

I think everyone will go through a phase whereby life as they know it will never quite be the same again. Comfort zones are broken and new challenges await. It's not really a bad thing, but it's just.. different.

Sent one of my best girldotfriends off last week. We had dinner on Sunday night, and I made the journey to LCCT on Tuesday night after I got off work.

Aurelia, together with Elaine and Amanda, make up my strongest support network from the opposite sex. Having known each other for quite a fair bit of time already, we might have had our disagreements, but in the end they were always there for me when it mattered the most, and they all have their own unique story to tell as to how our friendship started and developed along the way.

So I guess it was natural that when Elaine and Aurelia left for Singapore and Australia to pursue their career and Masters degree respectively, with Amanda following suit next year, that I felt a little funny inside.

But hey. That's how life works, I guess.

Despite all that, they have been constants in my life these past few years, and I have all the reason to believe that no matter what happens, they will still be, because they are different from the rest.

Yes, I'm missing you guys.

I'm Going Off The Rails on a Crazy Train.

2011-07-06T21:44:00.004+08:00

Three weeks! That was my longest absence in.. a very long time.

Well, many things have happened.. but the most important thing is that I'm free from university life! Sort of. Just submitted my internship final report today, and I still have my final presentation on Monday before I bid adieu to my life as a university student.. at least until my results come out.

So how do I feel about leaving university? Some might argue that I left university three months ago when I did my internship as my final semester, knowing very well that I wouldn't be returning to university again. However, doing an internship is different, especially while under supervision of the university - there's internship reports, site visits, and most importantly, people still recognise me as a student of Sunway before an employee of ACN. But I digress.

Honestly, I feel glad that my degree life is over. There's nothing wrong with Sunway, but I think I have gone past the studying stage, and am now eager to prove myself in the real world. Maybe it has something to do with my age; I feel that working is long overdue for me, as I could've graduated much, much earlier. Well, now's my chance, I guess.

All that said, alhamdulillah, I will be starting my employment with ACN as early as next Monday. Right now I'm on break/leave/transitional period. Treasuring every moment while I still can! Been jamming, gaming, and hanging out with my friends. Life is good.

Despite that, I'm feeling quite excited about next Monday :) New phase of life yo!

I have more things to say but I'll save that for another day.

Till next time!

Your Time Will Come.

2011-06-13T21:50:00.005+08:00

I don't quite know what to make of what I think about my life right now.

I know I have very little to complain about, really.. but I suppose the few holes I have in my life are significant enough to affect me.

Sometimes I feel that my optimism is just to cover up my deficiencies in certain things. But I guess God is fair. I have never truly felt the impact of the phrase, "you can't have everything," until fairly recently.

I also haven't seen some friends in ages - relatively speaking or otherwise - and I have to admit that I miss them.

Other than that, alhamdulillah, God has been really kind to me. I've just made a major decision regarding my career which involved a few tradeoffs.. and I believe that I was guided to make the right one.

Sometimes, you just know that you've just gotta take a chance.

Where Would You End?

2011-05-31T23:11:00.005+08:00

Now it's too early to sleep, but too late to play games, and my right wrist hurts after all that coding and thus I should probably not play the guitar, so here I am blogging :)

I've been a little antisocial in the office last week because I was tasked to create a program to automate a part of our monthly operations.. in one week. So, I've been spending the whole of my working hours programming and little else.

Those who know me relatively well will know that I've never thought of myself as much of a programmer, so I was initially averse to the idea of having to write an entire software in such a short period of time.. but I surprised myself by being on track of my self-devised schedule, for the most part. The deadline's tomorrow, and if all goes well, I'll definitely be able to meet it.

After spending four entire working days programming, I have to say that I'm finally starting to enjoy it - for the first time in nearly three years. Guess when I have no choice but to do it, I somehow find the ability to. It was the same situation for my FYP when I had to complete an entire thesis in seven weeks.

One of my lecturers told me that I have the uncanny ability to continue working while remaining calm despite being under pressure. I was skeptical at first, but after this, I have more reason to believe that she was right.

That said, I'd like to keep such situations to a minimum.

I'll be entering my final month of internship already. Time sure flies.. I have made a decision on my future, but I'll still have to wait and see how that turns out.. hopefully everything will be alright.

Anyway, guess who's going to catch Arsenal vs Malaysia on the 13th of July?

Yup. Also scored the free training pass for the 12th as well! Whee :)

Well, it's nearly about the right time for bed, so 'till next time.

BK You.

2011-05-22T15:44:00.003+08:00

Whoa, it's been two weeks since my last update!

I find it ironic that when there's an abundance of free time as a student, there's no money to spend it on, and when there's finally some money coming in, there's no time to spend it on! Spent most of last weekend at home cleaning up my room, gaming and playing guitar. I'm now my own maid again, and this will continue for awhile.

There are honestly many things I have in my mind, but I either can't find the words to elaborate or they just slipped my mind at the time of writing. Maybe I'm just lazy or have short term memory. Or maybe I just couldn't care less about insignificant things - if they aren't in my mind after awhile, it means that they don't mean much. I guess.

Anyway, I went to Malacca yesterday with my regular group of guy friends. We left at 4pm, left at 1230am and reached Ismail's place in Mont Kiara around 2am where we spent the night. It's not my idea of a typical weekend, but I enjoyed every bit of it, though I really can't afford to do this too often!

Subang to Malacca tollgates in 45 minutes inclusive of a pit stop thanks to some crazy driving. I wasn't the one behind the wheel.

The whole point of the Malacca trip was a seafood binge in Serkam. No regrets at all. The food was so good and the seafood was so fresh, yum :9

Our little group of six ate enough for ten people, haha.

I didn't take many pictures, since I was feeling a little under the weather and tired. Crashed at Mont Kiara and went back early this morning.. and wasted my time doing nothing ugh. I really need to utilise my (lack of) free time better. But that's the story of my life.

Moving on, I'm in a little bit of a conundrum, albeit a nice one to have, so it's all good. Just that I have to do some soul-searching and carefully think before making a decision. I think I'm pretty close to to a decision already, and I hope to stick to it. One good thing about me - if I may say so myself - is that I am able to make do with whatever I have and make the best out of things, thus preventing me from thinking too much about the road not taken.

.. and that is all I have to say for now. Till next time!

Don't You Just Wish.

2011-05-08T21:16:00.004+08:00

I've been wanting to blog earlier, but my weekends have been so packed! There have been plenty of weddings going on in the family lately, so my time has already been booked waaay before.

You really start appreciating your weekends more when you're working, really! I think there won't be anything much happening these next few weeks, so I'm looking to just relax and focus on the things I enjoy doing these following weekends.

I've abandoned playing guitar and gaming for quite a fair bit of time already.. well, to be fair, it's not as if I don't have any time for myself at all, but rather, I just tend to laze around when I'm free. Hope to utilise my free time better! Story of my life I guess.

My cousin's wedding last weekend, where I was the best man. People say the best man is usually next in line for the bridal bed, but we'll see!

This week has been pretty good. Finally managed to patch things up with a good friend whom I've recently had a misunderstanding with. Things are slowly picking up; I believe that time heals all wounds, other than those that people purposely pick up and excavate because they just have nothing better to do. Whatever it is, I'm sure that we can eventually resume where we left off.

Also been getting a sense of deja vu over.. well, certain things, lately. The good sense, I guess. Still to early to say anything so will have to see how it turns out over time. All I can say for now is, the best things in life come unexpected :)

My fuel gauge's reading when I was trapped in a massive jam on Saturday after futsal. Really thought I would've exhausted my petrol tank but I reached the petrol station with slightly more than 1 liter remaining. Cheh, false alarm only, thank God!

The craziest stunt I've pulled off on a near-empty tank was a return trip to Sunway Pyramid after my indicator lighted up on a 75km journey home from Pahang. I refueled 39.4 liters out of my 40-liter fuel tank :P

That's all for this week. Till next weekend :)

Like it was Yesterday.

2011-04-28T23:00:00.003+08:00

Happy birthday, you.

It's been two years since.

I've grown a fair bit since, and perhaps changed, too.

But, as much as I don't want to admit it, a part of me is still stuck where it was two years ago, in one way or another.

Learn to Live as Time Forgets.

2011-04-23T22:32:00.003+08:00

I know I talk about little else but work lately in all of my social networks; guess that's kinda inevitable since I spend minimum 9 hours a day, 5 days a week there.

Honestly?

I love my job. And the company, of course. The culture is great, the people are fantastic and I settled in a lot quicker than I expected. I also love it because I finally get to see all these years of gathering knowledge and experience about computer technology in action in the real-world, and realising how little I know about it. It's fascinating and amazing. I look forward to learning new things every day and I really want to understand the thingy I'm working with a lot better. Among other things. I think I said this in the last entry, but whatever haha.

I'll continue giving my best these next two months and see what happens beyond that. Been getting a lot of input about my future, but honestly I just want to take it step-by-step for now.

That said, I miss university life, or SCT-ians in particular. Feel a little sad that I had to leave just when things were starting to get more interesting, with the establishment of the SAS Club - which I'm still the interim Event Manager of, the irony.. I might relinquish the title if I'm still unable to contribute something of significance. Glad that I organised the Fun Camp; it was a really great memory, before everything changed.

Not sure if any of you guys are reading this, but I'm missing you all :)

Ah, weekends. The only time when I'm actually not too tired to do the things I want to do.

Let The Good Times Roll.

2011-04-17T01:12:00.004+08:00

All I want is to bury the hatchet and move on.

No matter what happens, I will always think of you as my friend.

I know I've wronged many people in many ways and made a lot of mistakes. God knows how much I wish all that never happened, and that I could turn back time to change everything.

Hopefully, one day, you will find it in your heart for us to be friends again.

A Dose of Life.

2011-04-11T22:19:00.006+08:00

So I've been an intern for a good week already now.

Enjoying it so far. The atmosphere in the workplace is fantastic - ~~filled with food~~ really conducive and great, friendly colleagues who are always willing to help despite the hectic and unpredictable nature of our job. I've learnt a lot in a week and I can't wait to learn more - the underlying operations of the thingy I'm dealing with is fascinating and really amazes me. I'm really grateful to get this internship, and hopefully I'll be there in the long-term after these three months.

I admit that I kinda like the way working life demands most of my attention, thus making me think about other things less, although I still truly wish that some of 'the other things' didn't happen. Sigh.

Other than that, working from 9am-6pm daily has made me appreciate my free time better. Now, instead of wasting my day away, I feel the need to do as many things as possible before bedtime to maximise my days off. It does make a difference - I haven't felt this sharp mentally in a long time. I'd like to say I've never been healthier as well but all the junk food I've been consuming is making me fat, and I'm still recovering from a bout of flu, haha.

Despite the hecticness of working life, hope I get to play futsal at least once a week. Played last Saturday and it felt really great :)

On an unrelated note, the SE Xperia Arc is gorgeous. Hopefully I can afford it by the end of June, which is when the promotion ends.. otherwise I'll just ~~buy a Samsung P2770H~~ hold on to my cash for the time being.

Going off to sleep now, I'm beat.

2011-04-05T23:07:00.003+08:00

I wish we could talk again, just like not too long ago. There are so many things that I want to share with you.

I miss you, dear friend.

Song of the Moment.

2011-04-03T20:58:00.001+08:00

Unchain the colors before my eyes,
Yesterday's sorrows, tomorrow's white lies.
Scan the horizon, the clouds take me higher,
I shall return from out of the fire.

Tears for remembrance, and tears for joy,
Tears for somebody not this lonely boy.
Out in the madness, the all seeing eye,
Flickers above us, to light up the sky.

Unchain the colors before my eyes,
Yesterday's sorrows, tomorrow's white lies.
Scan the horizon, the clouds take me higher,
I shall return from out of the fire.

Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?

2011-04-02T02:01:00.007+08:00

If there are two things about me that haven't grown up or changed since time immemorial, they're my inability to know when to stop, and my temperament. Many a time lack of hindsight and impulsive tendencies have been detriments.

For my own good, I truly hope I pick up the skill sooner rather than later. It'll spare me a lot of severed ties and the pain that comes with them.

As for the incident that triggered this post, I can only hope that it's not too late.

For God's sake, I sure hope that I won't mess this one up.

Remember Tomorrow.

2011-03-30T13:15:00.013+08:00

I just got back from Langkawi with my family on Monday evening, after a short flight delay due to the rainy weather over there.

Langkawi was good, although the erratic weather kinda marred it a little. I think it's been 10 years since I last set foot there.. this time around, we went to the Cable Car, Harbour Front, Jetty Point and of course Kuah town. Wanted to go to Telaga Tujuh but the weather and timing didn't permit us - I've been there once or twice when I was younger though. On the shopping front, I managed to get some working attire, and my family spent more than RM300 on chocolates alone.. haha. Basically most of the spending was on food.

Berjaya Resort was sort of disappointing though.. they were charging RM15/day for WiFi, which was ridiculous considering that WiFi is not supposed to be a luxury nowadays.. even budget hotels were providing it for free. The Maxis signal there was also somewhat sporadic no thanks to the jungle environment so 3G was a hit-or-miss. But oh well, sometimes being disconnected for a little bit is good.

The back-to-back trips to Hulu Langat and Langkawi were really tiring, but they were really fun and I enjoyed every moment of them. Yesterday, I spent nearly the entire day going back and forth to home and uni for some club stuff and played three hours of futsal after that. It was kinda fun despite yesterday not being my day.

Got my results for my final finals too. Kinda bittersweet I must say.. results for my subjects were waaaay below expectations while my thesis scored waaaay above expectations. The saving grace was that not many did better than me in both subjects and I was juggling my thesis at the same time to boot. So, if anything, I guess I proved that finishing everything within three years, without any extensions, CAN be done. Just takes a little bit of sacrifice for a lot more satisfaction.. pretty good deal if you ask me. Despite the mixed feelings over the results, knowing that my degree is more or less in my hands is a great feeling.

Moving on, I'm kinda looking forward to April; it's set to be a month of change - a venture into the total unknown. When I started uni nearly three years ago, I sorta knew what to expect from Computer Science, but I have no idea what to expect when I start internship next week. I just wish I won't disappoint.. I think that's a reasonable expectation.

It's not just about the job, it's about the environment as well.. I suppose I have eased into the comforts of uni life and the people (person?) that came with it, and the prospect of having to change that comfortable pattern is somewhat daunting. Perhaps these are all just thoughts that come with the anticipation of waiting, and once I actually start and ease into my new routine, these concerns will all be allayed.

I hope.

Looking at it from another viewpoint, I guess it's about time that I moved on with my life.. sometimes, staying in one place for too long can be detrimental and counterproductive, all aspects and senses considered. Knowing the end of the line is a valuable skill in life.

Maybe I should rephrase that into something more specific, but nevermind.

Meaningful.

2011-03-24T22:20:00.006+08:00

I'm aware I haven't updated in more than a week! Been part-lazy, part-busy.. story of my life.

I've been spending my semester break well, with..

.. Cousin Nadzrah's wedding.. two more cousins from dad's side are getting married in April..

.. Rahimi and Izwan's weddings, on the same day! I've known both of them since primary school, and it's a really surreal feeling to see fellow 88-ians getting married. I haven't received any pictures with the two couples yet, so pictures with friends will have to suffice. Overall both ceremonies were really great, managed to meet up with a lot of old friends. May my friends and their spouses live long and happy lives together :)

Really love this shot by Hazwan :)

.. Fun Camp at Kingfisher Adventures, Hulu Langat with my SCT mates! It was really awesome. The itinerary was really simple - river-bathing, BBQ-ing and jungle trekking, but the things that happened during and in between activities were just plain crazy haha.. we all had a few screws loose for sure. More pictures on my Facebook! Just got back not too long ago; dead tired but have to prepare to fly off to Langkawi tomorrow.

(I realise that I'm getting lazier to document events in my life right now. Maybe I should restart..)

.. and in between, futsal, jamming, gaming and random outing sessions with various people. I think this is one of the most productive/hectic semester breaks ever.. luckily I got two extra weeks on top of the original two weeks. I definitely need all the time I can get before my internship starts, especially if I'm going to start work immediately after!

I think I've done nearly everything I wanted to do. All that's left is to clean my room and, if possible, start and finish up Assassin's Creed: Brotherhood.. and then I'm good to go :)

On an unrelated note, most of our apparent troubles are actually self-inflicted conundrums. One of the imminent improvements I would like to impose on myself is to be more at peace with myself and struggle less with my thoughts.

As you can tell by my incoherence, my energy levels are low.. so until next time :)

All About Android.

2011-03-13T23:13:00.002+08:00

Just to share some stuff I did to my Xperia X10 today. I've been avoiding dabbling with rooting, hacking and custom ROM flashing while my warranty is still intact, but since it's close to a year already I just decided to take the plunge and install two very simple add-ons: JIT v2 compiler for X10 and Xperia Arc home launcher.

The Xperia Arc home launcher, shoehorned onto the Xperia X10.

It's a little slow, especially with live wallpapers, but it's not that bad.. I'll try using this for a few days and see if I can stop myself from going back to Launcher Pro.

The lack of real estate bothers me a little though; I can fit at least another row of icons in Launcher Pro.

The new app drawer which looks a lot like the one found in the Xperia X10 mini/pro and X8.

Bug: The sorting feature does not remember its setting and will reset itself after a reboot. Not that the average person will reboot frequently, but still something to take note nonetheless.

The new photo viewer widget is pretty cool.. but the large one is a little laggy and disappears after I start up an app or add another widget to another desktop. The small one works well but it's a little too.. well, small.

A benchmark after immediately after installing JIT v2 and Xperia Arc home launcher. The score is around 747 after a reboot. Not too shabby for a stock Eclair ROM.

Will I start to play around with custom ROMs next? Stay tuned..

Reflections.

2011-03-10T17:50:00.005+08:00

"Turn left. Straight up is Putrajaya."

"Hmm, that doesn't seem like a bad idea..."

"What? Putrajaya? Up to you la."

"Can't say I mind."

"Well, I've been wanting to go there at night for awhile already.."

"Great minds think alike. Shall I take that as a yes?"

"Super mou liu (no comment) lah you! But I forgot my camera!"

"Who asked you to not want to bring? Whatever, too late."

And that is how I ended up doing one of the most random things ever, apart from binge-eating and stuffing myself silly, which happens pretty often.

It was a great random outing. Only bummer was that it ended a little bit too soon.

I enjoyed every single bit of it though. Treasuring and cherishing every single thing while I can.

Being stuck in a comfort zone feels really great, but it's also when intrapersonal conflicts happen. Ultimately, one can't have everything.

Well, whatever it is, I will always remember :)

Milestone.

2011-03-03T21:33:00.010+08:00

Pardon the entry glut, but I just thought that today was worth documenting.

Today was the day I presented my Final Year Project to my supervisor, second marker and a bunch of friends who took the trouble to come support me. Thank you guys, it really meant a lot to me. It won't be my last presentation in uni per se, since I still have to present my internship report sometime in July, but it's my last to my friends.. in this stage of life that is.

Today was the day I can officially say that I co-authored an academic paper. Just submitted one for moderation for an academic conference in France. Hopefully it gets selected for the journal. Never in my life I thought I'd be able to make that claim. I believe that if my mum was around, she'd be ecstatic.

Today was the day I felt extremely surreal. When I first made the decision to submit my Final Year Project on a short semester and doing it concurrently with two subjects, the whole class thought I was out of my mind. But deep down inside, I knew that I could do it. I knew that the circumstances would turn out right for me. More than anything, I wanted to go out into the world as fast as possible and ditch the 'undergraduate student' title as fast as I could - it's a personal conviction I've been having for reasons only known to myself and people dear to me.

So I held on to my decision and took the leap of faith. I was given an office to work in - Room 224 - and spent hours on my assignments and FYP in it. I arrived in uni by 830am and stayed back at every opportunity, even until 9pm this week. There were times I felt really burnt out, but two 5-day breaks gave me much needed fresh air - first to play God of War 3 over Chinese New Year, and of course the Singapore trip to catch Iron Maiden. My coursemates also organised (sometimes bi) weekly sports events and I started to join my high school gang for futsal every Sunday. That kept my body in peak physical condition and I have not felt this good in a really long time. Those were the occasional releases from work that I took.

Seven weeks down the road, here I am, saying all this. It's a really amazing feeling.

But, I can honestly say and admit from the bottom of my heart that I probably wouldn't have made it if not for the company and support of a certain somebody.

Thank you for accompanying me until late evenings, and even late nights, especially these past three weeks or so.

Thank you for encouraging me whenever I met a stumbling block.

Thank you for hammering sense into my head to knock me out of my procrastination bouts.

Thank you for listening to me talk about the problems in my project eventhough you don't understand half of what I'm saying.

Thank you for tolerating my bad moods and grumpiness when I was upset or didn't get enough sleep.

Thank you for not getting tired of me yet.

Thank you.. for everything, and more.

You're everything I'm not, and I absolutely adore you for that.. haha.

Que sera sera.

2011-03-01T21:54:00.011+08:00

-removed-

Simply enjoying everything and treasuring every moment that I can :)

Comfortably Numb.

2011-03-01T21:33:00.000+08:00

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me
Is there anyone at home?

Come on, now
I hear you're feeling down
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again

Relax
I'll need some information first
Just the basic facts
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon
You are the only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am

I have become comfortably numb

I have become comfortably numb

Okay
Just a little pinprick
There'll be no more
But you may feel a little sick

Can you stand up?
I do believe it's working good
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go

There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship's smoke on the horizon
You are the only coming through in waves
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying

When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown the dream is gone

I have become comfortably numb

Through The Never.

2011-02-26T21:59:00.003+08:00

Life has been coming at me rather fast lately.

The previous week was rather tiring, with me chasing assignment deadlines, preparing for tests and doing my Final Year Project, while tying up some loose ends to secure my internship at the same time. I've been dead busy trying to juggle that little period of overlap.. everything seemed to require my attention last week.

Everything turned out well though. My Final Year Project is finally completed, despite coming to an abrupt halt halfway through the development process. Without going through the details, let's just say that I've reached the limits of currently available options, and the only way to progress further is to create my own road, which I really don't have time for.

To be honest, it's a little bit of a downer, because I was looking forward to seeing my creation being deployed.. but as my supervisor said, "Sometimes you encounter these situations while working on technology-related projects.. it's a nice problem to have. It simply means that you're on the cutting-edge of things instead of trying to catch up." She has a point, but I can't help but feel a little bummed about it. When I found out that I've reached the end of the line after hours of research and a few e-mails to support groups, I felt as if a huge burden was relieved off my shoulders - I won't lie about it - but at the same time I kept on repeating to myself, "That's it?" in disbelief.

Sentiments aside, I'm on track to finishing my documentation/thesis. It's supposed to be due next Tuesday, but the academic paper I'm co-authoring with my supervisor is due on Monday, so I'm rushing everything right now. Presentation of my project will be next Thursday. I can't wait. Even if it is only a proof of concept at the moment, I'm still proud of my work, and I truly hope that somebody can finish what I started. I'm a little worried about the grading and assessment, but there's no time to change anything anymore.

Moving on, I can finally say that I've secured an internship after months of pursuit, although I won't reveal where just yet. If you really want to know you'd have to ask me personally. I'm really excited and grateful about it, for various reasons. I've just done half the job though.. now I'll need to prove myself in order to secure a long-term position with the company, something that I intend to do no matter what it takes. I just hope that I'm up to the task. The company is known to have very high expectations of its employees.. but hey, I guess that's what makes the challenge more fun and worth undertaking.

In other news.. I'll enjoy every moment of my final week, to the very last one. Some might think I'm making a big deal out of it, but it does mean a lot to me.

Your looks and your feelings are just the remains of your past.

2011-02-22T22:53:00.006+08:00

I'll miss..

All the Canopy Walk journeys where we stop to spot every possible animal and watch people screaming their butts off on the magic carpet.

The food binges we go on to de-stress, that comprises bubble tea and Subway cookies 90% of the time.

Random window and impulsive shopping and drooling over nice jerseys and shoes at Al-Ikhsan.

Talking about anything and everything under the sun no matter where; be it in my office, at the cafeteria or just along the corridor.

Sharing our arrogant opinions about happenings because we're the only ones in the position to come up with such thoughts.

Just randomly walking around to either of our destinations.

Hearing you kick up a fuss when I'm sleeping or on Facebook instead of working when you barge into my office after a 2-hour class.

Listening to you rant and bubble over the most random of things, despite my standard answer just being grunts.

You forcing chicken essence down my throat and me gagging over how disgusting it tastes.

Sharing McDs fries and stealing chicken skin which you don't eat.

Seeing you trip over and being all klutzy over things people don't usually trip over.

You teasing my 'prosperity'.

Your random presence at the most uncanny moments.

.. among other things. I'm sure I missed out some awesome stuff here.

Ultimately.. I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'll miss you. Given the chance, I would really love to take you along with me.

Times, they are a-changing.. a huge step is right in front of me to take in just a little over a month's time, provided I don't blunder in the process.

Very soon, the routine and familiarity imbued in my head will be replaced by something else. The thought of leaving my comfort zone is a little daunting, but a necessity for me to build the future with.

No matter how much things change in the future, I'll never forget everything we did together during degree life.

And I sure as hell will always remember the day I decided to start a conversation with you - it ended up being one of the best decisions I ever made.

Some things will definitely change over time, but some things don't have to.

There goes the siren that warns of the air raid.

2011-02-18T00:35:00.004+08:00

I have all the reasons to be happy and optimistic.

I just had a great trip to Singapore, and got much more than Iron Maiden, the only one thing I was asking for. I spent a good five days with my uncle's family, went to Universal Studios and Singapore Zoo, had a taste of Max Brenner's and Ben and Jerry's, and secured an internship while all but confirming another.

It was amazing, and I'm feeling really happy and blessed. I really am. Definitely couldn't have asked for more, and would've been happy with a lot less.

But tonight is just one of those nights where I'm just struggling to understand how I'm feeling about certain things. Every thought seems to have its contradiction, and I feel like I'm asking for something ridiculous and impossible, but at the same time unable to perish the thoughts.

It's the same old thing all over again. That never ending cycle. Some things come and go full circle. Sometimes I just wonder what am I in the eyes of people near me.

I know deep down inside that God knows what's best for me.

But sometimes I just wish that people know I have feelings too.

Time is Close at Hand.

2011-02-10T22:35:00.002+08:00

I'm treasuring every moment of my final semester in university. I've been really busy with work, probably not busy enough, but I've never felt so fulfilled, purposeful and motivated in a really long time.

In between sessions of driving myself mad, I've been playing sports with my uni mates. We now play sports at least twice a week.. although I'll probably have to excuse myself the whole of next week to meet my deadlines.

Futsal Fridays. I also play futsal with my schoolmates on Sunday mornings. Getting better at it, although I've been itching for a good game of basketball lately.

Ismail was pestering me to get a pair of futsal shoes, so I did. Shopping for it was quite an experience.. pretty much every pair I wanted didn't have my size, except for the one I bought - Umbro S5. Melissa and I spent nearly 1.5 hours in the shop choosing and trying every random pair within my budget.. and she walked away with the one of the pairs I wanted!

We also went to Al-Ikhsan yesterday just to window shop and she left with a jersey.. my ~~poisoning~~ persuasive skills are getting better haha.

Had a pretty decent presentation for Leadership, the only one I'll be doing this semester. We had to critically review a leader, and I chose Steve Jobs. I deliberately dressed up like him for the presentation too.. sans the roundneck, long-sleeved t-shirt because I couldn't find one in my house.

Yes I'm aware that Steve Jobs doesn't present with bullet points, but I didn't want to get penalised for not following conventions. You never know.. my faculty isn't what you'd call nonconformist.

Silly moment. I don't know what I'd do without this girl accompanying me throughout my uni life.. would've probably be driven nuts by now. She might be hopelessly klutzy, silly and impulsive, but I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Moving on, I'm really excited about my Singapore trip (IRON MAIDENNNNNN), although I'll die when I get back.. I have a lot of things to submit in the next few days.

Warning: Reading this might make you broke by the end of the year!

2011-02-05T15:51:00.011+08:00

Hello friends, my blog and I are alive and well! I've just been busy with my project, assignments and doing other things.. no worries though, writing is my passion and I'll always find time to update this little webspace of mine :)

The gadget and gaming industry have been really interesting as of late, with all the major technology corporations showing off their offerings for 2011. It's probably a little but too early since there are at least two more major electronic conventions this month, but in the wake of whatever that's happened, I'm gonna break the routine entries and come up with a little list today.. Aman's Most Anticipated Gadgets as of 5th February 2011!

In no particular order..

Sony Ericsson Xperia Arc

Sony Ericsson blundered badly with its first Android flagship - the infamous Xperia X10 - both commercially and technically. For starters, it was shipped more than a year after unveiling, which is light years in the mobile phone world, with the outdated Android 1.6 and a promise of an Android 2.1 update by Q2 2009. That didn't happen until the end of Q3, when all its supposed competitors were already getting Android 2.2, effectively throwing it off the 'must-own' list of top-tier phones despite having gorgeous looks and competitive specs. The supposed reason given was that the proprietary Timescape and Mediascape took too much unexpected meddling with Android 2.1's core, which complicated matters.

To add to owners' misery - yours truly included - Sony Ericsson have announced that the X10 will not be getting an (official) Android 2.2 update.

I was just about ready to ditch Sony Ericsson for good until this little baby was announced. The specs might seem a little underwhelming but not many can deny that the Xperia Arc is pretty much one of the most gorgeous phones ever built. Shipping with the latest version of Android (2.3) out of the box and Timescape and Mediascape reduced to mere widgets, Sony Ericsson have vowed to not repeat the mistakes of the Xperia X10.

Furthermore, to give them credit, the Xperia X10 has received two updates in the past three months - the one I downloaded yesterday FINALLY giving dual-touch support, just as they promised. Their reluctance to port the Arc's firmware over to the X10 is still making me feel shortchanged with a bitter taste in my mouth, but I might just give them a second chance just because of the Arc's looks. A little shallow, I know, but I'm a sucker for well-designed products and Sony Ericsson never fails to disappoint in that regard.

The Arc should be released worldwide in March.

Motorola Atrix

The Motorola Atrix just gets every tech geek drooling with its amazing specs - a dual-core Nvidia Tegra 2 SoC (system-on-a-chip) and 1GB of RAM, living up to its tagline, 'the most powerful smartphone on the planet'.

All that juice is not without reason, and merely scratching the tip of the iceberg. The Atrix's standout feature is that it can be connected to a laptop dock, which has nothing except an 11-inch screen, keyboard and a touchpad, and provide it with all the computing resources needed, while retaining control of the phone via the netbook - another world-first. While connected to the dock, the phone will be running a 'second' Android overlay especially tailored for the laptop, which comes with the full version of Firefox and quick access to documents and media.

The Atrix and its dock are pretty much a very practical combination to me. The laptop dock will be extremely light due to it not having much internals, and the Atrix's specs are powerful enough to provide the laptop the juice to do everything that I'll ever need to do on the go, e.g. Internet browsing and document editing.

Conversely, despite having said all that, there are a few reasons why I'm apprehensive on getting the Atrix: it will be shipping with Android 2.2, although an update is planned later in the year; I still can't think of a situation whereby I'll actually have a use for a netbook, even in the foreseeable future; another reason which I shall mention later in the post; and probably the most important factor of all - its looks. Compared to the gorgeous, sleek nature of the Xperia Arc, the Atrix reminds me of a gargantuan brute. Again, shallow, I know, but hey.

The Atrix is due this month on American 4G networks, although apparently the phone is also 3G-compatible, so we should be seeing it in our territory with minimal delay, I hope.

Motorola Xoom

THE highlight of January's Consumer Electronics Show, the Motorola Xoom is the first Android 3.0 (Honeycomb) powered tablet, and the reason why I've been telling everyone asking me about the Samsung Galaxy S to hold on to their wallets.

The significance of Android 3.0 goes beyond the version number - Honeycomb will be the Google's official tablet-only Android (for now), and with it comes everything necessary to work a tablet, be it for developers and users alike, something that Android 2.2 and 2.3 don't have. Google have already denounced pre-Honeycomb tablets so only the uninformed would actually bother with one.

Trust me, the changes are beyond skin-deep.. I watched Google's Honeycomb unveiling event last week and I was extremely impressed and amazed with the things they did to differentiate it from mobile versions of Android. Let's just say that right now, the pressure is on Apple to innovate the iPad version of the iOS (by the way, the iPad 2 is expected to be announced this month, so don't say I didn't warn you).

As for me, I'll probably be giving this one a miss unless if I have some spare change lying around.. I have no practical use for a tablet at the moment.

The Xoom is scheduled to be released this month, under the same circumstances as, but not necessarily together, with the Atrix.

Sony PSP 2 (codename: Next-Generation Portable)

The moment this was announced last week, I've decided to forgo all plans of getting a new phone this year, unless if I work for a telecommunications company.

THIS, my gamer friends, is THE handheld to rule all handhelds, if hardware specs are anything to go by. Equipped with a quad-core processor with a separate quad-core GPU of unknown clock speeds at the moment, and everything else you can possibly ever cram into a handheld, i.e. dual analog sticks, 960 x 544 5-inch capacitive OLED display (most probably with Bravia engine), front and rear cameras, compass, accelerometer, THREE gyroscopes, three-point multitouch strips replacing the shoulder buttons, 3G, WiFi, and Bluetooth, the specs got me REALLY excited.

Sony Computer Entertainment has never disappointed in specs, build quality, looks and reliability of all their offerings thus far, even if the final specs almost always fall a little short of the announced versions. But I digress.

To make things even more droolworthy, Sony demonstrated nearly-unaltered versions of WipeOut HD, Uncharted and Metal Gear Solid 4 on this device during its unveiling, and all of them ran at very much playable framerates, with WipeOut HD running at a steady 60fps and MGS at 20fps. If that's not amazing, then I don't know what is.

What worries me is that, like the PSP, the platform might lack developer support and just fade into the abyss, although the developer interviews I've been reading lately suggest otherwise; apparently the PSP 2 is much more developer friendly than the PSP ever was.

Scheduled to be released during 2011's 'holiday season', I'll probably wait until the price stabilises before rushing out for one. Whatever it is, this will be my faithful partner should I have to take public transport to work in the near future.

Sony Ericsson Xperia Play (a.k.a. PSP Phone)

The Sony Ericsson Xperia Play is probably the world's worst-kept secret. Despite EVERYTHING about it already being leaked, Sony is still playing dumb about the device, for whatever reason.

During the unveiling of the PSP 2, Sony also announced the 'PlayStation Suite', an Android app that will be used to deliver games to 'hardware that supports it', first starting with PSone classics and eventually platform-exclusives.

As in the picture, the Xperia Play will have the standard PS face buttons, but in place of analog sticks are optical trackpads, for space-saving purposes. Its hardware and software specs are identical to the Xperia Arc.

The Xperia Play is something that I definitely won't be getting, as the PlayStation Suite will also be available on the PSP 2. The reason it's on this list because I'm really interested to see how Sony will consolidate it into their current hardware lineup. Honestly, I think it'll be a really niche product as there is very little reason to get one.

There you have it - my most anticipated gadgets as of today! If you realised, I didn't mention the Nintendo 3DS - I deliberately left it out because I'm not really a Nintendo person, furthermore, I've already made a deal with my brother; he'll be getting the 3DS, I'll be getting the PSP 2, and we'll trade whenever we want to!

Countdown: 6 Weeks.

2011-01-22T22:30:00.009+08:00

Wow, it's been a week since I last updated (again!).

My first week of uni was alright, I suppose. Eight semesters in, with this being a short semester to boot, Week 1 was like just resuming where we left off - full speed ahead. Assignments and their deadlines have also been made known so I can plan in advance; a crucial element since I'll be submitting my Final Year Project on Week 7.

Speaking of that, my submission date was supposed to be a week after that but the school decided to move it forward, for good reason I suppose. Apparently I can request a slight postponement but I think I'll just give it my all and see where I stand a few weeks from now. After all, earlier submission is better than later.

Much of my time this week was spent in this little corner of a particular room inside the SCT office:

I have been given permission to use this vacant lecturer's room until its supposed occupant arrives. Since it's opposite my supervisor's room, I call it being in solitary confinement in 'prison' haha. I have to say that holing myself in there did wonders to my productivity, although I suppose working in the library wouldn't be that much different sans the privacy and tranquility my 'office' offers. My efficiency has increased by quite a fair bit this past week, in line with my new year's resolution, but I think it could still be better because I still spend some time idling despite it being much less than before. Gonna up the ante next week onwards.

I've been trying to live a balanced lifestyle too; so far it's working quite well, if I may say so myself. Coursemates and I are planning to play sports once or twice a week. We played badminton and futsal this week and I feel much sharper physically and mentally already. My other friends have been asking me to join them for futsal on Sunday mornings for quite some time already, and I think it's about time I took up the offer, for my own good.

Gaming has to be put on hold for now I guess - new games, that is. I'm current replaying an old classic - Final Fantasy VI - at my own leisure, since I know the game very well. There are a few great games coming out on the PS3 this month and next but I'm going to put them on hold until I'm done with my semester.

Off to catch the Arsenal game now. Until next time!

2011 Resolution and Wishlist.

2011-01-15T23:04:00.007+08:00

I know I'm two weeks late, but hey, it's the thought that counts, no?

My resolution this year is fairly simple I guess; which is ~~FullHD 1920x1080~~ to overcome three of my major weaknesses, which are:

Laziness - No more long periods of idling, and more activities of substance, e.g. guitar practice, sports, reading, etc.. and of course, work. Doing something is always better than idling.

Procrastination - No more last-minute work. I've said this many times but never really managed to fully put it into practice; however, this changes today. Last-minute work is stressful and never really teaches anything since everything is so rushed, which defeats the purpose of learning.

Distractions - Less time on social networking sites and mindless surfing and more focus on things that actually matter.

Those three things cascade into one very important aspect for me to improve on, which is time management. I think I've said this before, I believe there's a time for everything if managed well. As it is I spend too much time doing things of no benefit to me, and procrastinate everything that I should be doing - even my own hobbies like reading, gaming and guitar practice! I have a very bad work ethic - when I let loose, I totally let loose, and when I work, I really work. That leads to high levels of stress and long periods of inactivity, which in turn blunts my brain.

Ideally, I would like to be more productive in my work, and in between periods of it, do things that I like that relax me, such as the hobbies mentioned above. That way, the breaks will seem sweeter, my brain will always be fully utilised and my productivity in everything will definitely increase.

This year, I will turn that into reality :)

Moving on to my wishlist, I guess what tops my non-material wishlist are a good degree and a good start to my career. I will aim for the best possible degree I can get and graduate with no regrets, and hopefully not make any mistakes in choosing my first job. I've already sent a fair bit of applications out, and am hoping for the best. A love life is a distant third. I'm not going to make the bold proclamation of staying single to focus on my career, nor am I going to say that I'm looking for a significant other. I'm just going with the flow as it is pretty much out of my control for the most part, and leaving it to God to decide when is best for me to dive into this things. It might be this year, next year, or a few years later, but I know that when it happens, it will be during the best time for both mfgf (remember this term?) and I.

As for my material wishlist, 'petty cash' items aside, I'm targeting at least one major purchase this year, which is either:

Schecter Hellraiser C-1 or equivalent guitar - I was actually looking for an Explorer-shaped guitar in the lines of an Epiphone, Ibanez or LTD, but after seeing and trying this baby in the flesh last Monday, I immediately fell in love with it. The pearl white finish and mother-of-pearl bindings and inlays were just too sexy to resist. I really don't know which one I'll go for when the money actually comes, though. Whatever it is, I REALLY need a fixed bridge guitar for tuning flexibility.

A 37-inch Full HD LCD/LED TV - Just like what my new year resolution says! Haha. Will most likely be going for the LCD TV option though as it's more affordable. The pricing of TVs is seriously ridiculous nowadays. I plan to get the largest size my room can accommodate - either a 32" LED or 37" LCD - and hook my PS3 up to it. I'd like to hook my desktop up too, but I'm not too sure if I can find a comfortable typing and mousing position from my bed - maybe a bedtop table from Ikea will do the trick. The desktop will definitely have to move out if I can't plug it in, or I find a better place outside my room to play my PS3.

Let's see how many of the aforementioned I manage to fulfill this year :) Hopefully all!

Be Right Back.

2011-01-12T19:55:00.002+08:00

I haven't updated for 7 days; the longest stretch my blog has gone without an update in awhile.

I've been busy, and when I'm not, I've been under the weather.

I'll be back really soon!

100th post..

2011-01-05T22:25:00.007+08:00

.. in Aman's Antinomies Mk II, that is!

Here are some pictures detailing some of the stuff I've been up to lately..

Nasi kandar and Baskin Robbins outing with my secondary school mates on the eve of New Year's Eve. We meet up once every six months or so, and every time we do, it makes us feel much older, yet with minimal changes since we first knew each other.

Seo is the first doctor to be born from our batch. He's graduating this year!

I was supposed to spend New Year's Eve and New Year with The Rahmans, but I changed my mind at the last minute. Instead, I spent my New Year's Eve gaming and watching a Hindi movie - 3 Idiots; awesome movie, by the way.

Went to my uncle's place, where The Rahmans were gathered, for tea and dinner on New Year's Day though. I had a blast with my cousins, as always. In hindsight, I should've joined, but maybe next time.

Chocolate Lounge with Elaine yesterday. I finished this all by myself, and got myself a peppermint bubble tea minutes later! -_-

Yes, it's awesome to be able to eat all that and not grow fat, but it's actually more detrimental when you think about it, because you'll take your body's metabolism for granted and thus increasing the risk of weird diseases.

Bought myself a Class 4 16 GB microSD to replace the Class 2 8GB one that came with my phone. Reason being that the Class 2 wasn't able to handle the new 720p HD recording feature that came with the 2.1 update, crashing half the time. Can't afford to have that happening when I'm recording concerts..

Funny thing was that I ran a software benchmark on both cards and discovered that the Class 2's write speed was higher than the Class 4's. The read speeds were about right though, so I'd like to think the former was a mistake.

Now all I need is a new pair of earphones and my phone will become my portable music rig. Thinking of getting either the Sony Ericsson MW600 or a Shure SRH440 (or equivalent in-ears). The MW600 is a wireless bluetooth audio headset which also doubles up as a handsfree, which can be really convenient on the go, but the Shure's audio quality will definitely be much better, so I'm still undecided at the moment. I can pair the Shures with the MW600, but the long cable will defeat the purpose of having a wireless headset, so yeah.

I had something else to discuss here initially but I think that's enough for now.. waking up early to catch the Arsenal - Manchester City match. Have to focus on my FYP tomorrow as I have a meeting with the supervisor on Friday morning, and I'm waaaaay behind time.

Countdown: 8.5 more weeks.

Reflecting 2010, Projecting 2011.

2011-01-01T00:00:00.006+08:00

In a flash, the time has come for me to review the year that will have passed by the time this post is published.

Unlike my other yearly reviews, I won't be dividing 2010 into quarters or halves.. I think the best word to describe my 2010 would be 'cycle'. I wanted to call it 'transitional' but I realised that 2011 will actually be that year for me, since I'll be graduating and literally entering a new phase of life.

I said that 2009 was challenging on the romance front. While that has remained stagnant over 2010, I was faced with numerous challenges on the friendship front - events that made me reflect and be more conscious of myself than I ever was in my entire life, especially in the final quarter of the year.

I made plenty of new friends, especially in the earlier half of 2010, but unfortunately few lasted through the year. I'm not going to go into any detail, justify myself or lash out at anyone - I think I have wronged as much as I have been wronged. While I'm not concerned about the latter, as there is and always will be two sides to a story, for wherever I'm responsible for committing the former, I'd like to apologise to everyone involved from the bottom of my heart. I think I haven't made as many mistakes as I did in 2010 in a very long time.

Academically, 2010 was a year to forget for me. Sure, I made it past my second year unscathed but I think that much more could've been done in that department. The first semester of final year didn't go too well too, as I got off to a late start and the difficulty of my subjects made it much harder to bring myself up to standard. But I guess that's part and parcel of learning.

To end the 'negative' reminiscence, losing a relatively young and beloved cousin, and the sudden passings of a childhood friend's mother and a longtime friend's brother, happened in between everything.

On the other side of the coin, I've had many great experiences in 2010. It was an active year on the musical front; I attended four concerts - Video Games Live, Malaysian Youth Philharmonic Orchestra, Deep Purple and Slash; Antithesis played in two gigs and I advanced quite a fair bit in my guitar playing, if I may say so myself. I've also bought tickets to Iron Maiden's concert in Singapore in February 2011 - the most high-profile concert I'll be going to so far. In contrast, prior to 2010, I've only been to ONE concert, and that was Linkin Park's waaaaaaaaaay back in 2003.

Furthermore, although few of my new friendships made it through 2010, I managed to rekindle and enhance old and 'special' friendships, including a particular one which I had completely written off around this time in 2010, and I'm really, really happy for that. I'm sure that it will be the start of better things to come - we are now older and wiser.

Last but not least, how could I leave out the biggest blessing of the year - the birth of my half-sister, Zara Jazmeen Abdur Rahman, on the 11th of March. My household is now filled with the most cheer and happiness since my mum passed away four years ago, and we are much closer than we have ever been in a long time. I seem to be getting along much better with my extended family too - I don't know if it's the age or what.

Honestly, I'm truly looking forward to 2011 - it'll be my transition into the working world. I will be starting my internship 15th March the earliest and April the latest, and will unofficially have graduated come August, bar any unforeseen circumstances, which I will do my level best to prevent. My life will be starting all over again then, and with it will come new sets of questions, challenges, responsibilities, firsts and unknowns.

Considering everything that has been going on, I just can't wait to leave university life behind.

Beware world, a brand new and better Aman will be unleashed upon you in 2011!

Last of 2010.

2010-12-31T20:00:00.004+08:00

My last week of 2010 was spent with friends and family. Unfortunately, I only have two pictures to show from it for now.

A copy of Dead Rising 2: Outbreak Edition which Karyn got for me from the UK. Hopefully next year I can get even more goodies like this from there.

Karyn hosted an awesome Boxing Day party which I ended up spending more than 6 hours at instead of the 2 hours I originally intended to.

Outing with my closest A-Level friends sans Kennesh, Aurelia and Shao Min. Thank you, guys, for being there with me over the years, through thick and thin.

In between - more outings, an impromptu jam session and quite a fair bit of gaming.

Adieu 2010. It was nice knowing you :)

Hey You.

2010-12-24T12:44:00.003+08:00

Spotted this at a rather famous restaurant in a shopping complex along Jalan Ampang. The most sensational headline of the year.

Well, one more week until the obligatory New Year wishlist is due.

I hope that the year ends in a different way than it is right now.

Meanwhile, Merry Christmas to all my Christian friends :)

"The one beside him isn't me.. and I don't want that."

2010-12-19T12:38:00.023+08:00

Just marathoned a 25-episode anime series in two days.

Tora Dora! was originally a series of Japanese light novels which were subsequently adapted into a manga and anime series. It tells a rather cliched story - in typical Japanese melodrama, cheesiness and exaggeration - of two classmates who were originally strangers to each other, getting close over a hilarious incident and making a pact to help each other get close to their respective love interests and coincidentally best friends. In the process, despite being in much denial until nearly the very end, they fall in love with each other instead.

While this type of plot progression is really common, Tora Dora! is one of the rare series which actually executes it well. First and foremost, the male protagonist, Takasu Ryuuji, defies the typical pathetic, womanising, selfish douchebag male stereotype usually associated with this type of series - instead, he is the type of person any real-life girl can actually fall for. This realism actually enhances the connection and understanding between the characters and the viewers - nobody will fault the female protagonist, Aisaka Taiga, for eventually falling deeply for him. The timeline of things happening were also 'realistic' in the sense that it did not take years or a dramatic experience for the feelings between them to develop - they were progressively explored over a series of rather realistic (albeit exaggerated) events.

Other than that, the emotions were amazingly and realistically conveyed; the struggle of the protagonists accepting their feelings for each other in particular, especially when one of them was certain s/he loves the other, but the latter was oblivious to it due to still being hung up over the love interest. There were a few heartwrenching scenes towards the end which really moved me emotionally, especially on a marathon at 1am where the emotional scenes just kept on coming non-stop. Even after the ending turned out just as expected, I was still thinking about the storyline and recalling the heartwarming/wrenching moments in my head until this morning.

First thing I did after coming back from breakfast this morning was to rewatch my favourite scenes and acquire the translated version of the light novels, which explores the characters more deeply. I like slice of life anime, as beyond all the layers of melodrama, there are real-life lessons to be learnt which I can often frequently relate to and feel bittersweet afterwards.

Or maybe I'm just a big old sap.

Those who barely know me will find it surprising that I watch anime as I hardly show any signs of it, although I would never deny it if asked. I've also managed to raise a few eyebrows when I do mention or declare my interest as apparently 'somebody my type' is not the type to watch anime, or I've been expected to outgrow it as the years passed by, depending on who I'm talking to.

But well, to me, watching anime is a lot like my passion for gaming, something which I've also received 'should have outgrowed it' criticism about. Having being exposed to both of them from a very young age, they now make up my comfort zone which I can always return to no matter what stage of life I'm in. I can go without long periods of both, but I can always return to them as if nothing happened, with no thoughts of 'I shouldn't be doing this anymore'. The people I know are the same as me, even if they are now 30 and married with kids. In my opinion, neither are things you can just 'pick up' or 'get into'. You either grow up with and love them or just puzzlingly look at people who like them and not understand why, despite trying to, and maybe even successfully 'get into' them for a brief period of time.

As for me, no matter what others might say or think, I love anime despite its melodrama and cheesiness because it explores the extreme ends of emotions, positive and negative. Some of the exaggerated emotional bits can really get me to think and understand the root cause of what I'm feeling, and I use them to try and understand myself a little better. Furthermore, I've always preferred Japanese art style over Western. There is nothing I dislike about the latter, but the former just aesthetically appeals to me more, that's all. It's just a matter of preference and opinion.

However, despite saying all that, I prefer to keep my love of anime to myself - a closet fan. In that sense, I'm 'not the type' to collect figurines and put up posters all over my room, let alone attend cosplay events (which I find extremely weird by the way) - that's my 'growing up' compromise, I guess. I even have reservations in buying anime DVDs and Blu-Rays. I love listening to anime music though, and they serve as my retreat away from heavy metal. Admittedly, to date, I've never bought any anime merchandise except for manga volumes, although I think I should probably start supporting the good stuff soon.

But my love for anime ends at reading at watching them - I think that's good enough to last me a lifetime.

Introverted extrovert.

2010-12-15T21:49:00.015+08:00

My holiday indulgences have slowed down a tad, but it's just the way I like it I guess.

The semester break has been great thus far - apart from a minor bout of flu and an Arsenal defeat last night - and I'm happy. Haven't been as productive as I should with my work but I guess I just need a break for the time being. I'm quite the introvert at heart really, and just staying at home either reading books, playing games or listening to/playing music is enough to make me happy most of the time. On top of that I've been meeting some good friends too so everything's pretty balanced.

Since I've nothing in particular that I want to write about, here's an account of what I've done over these 1.5 weeks, more or less.

Finished God of War: Ghost of Sparta. Wanted to start playing either Kingdom Hearts: Birth by Sleep or Final Fantasy VI/VIII, but I decided not to since I have other things to do, plus I'll be getting my copy of Dead Rising 2 in less than 2 weeks so I don't feel like rushing a game.

The moment my exams finished I received at least three invitations to jam, so of course my guitar has to be in tip-top shape! Was feeling rather annoyed after buying these strings though. I usually buy Elixir Polyweb strings, which are coated, anti-rusting strings that can last me for at least six months compared to regular strings which crap out on me after two months or so. The tradeoff is that Elixirs cost twice the price, but I'm willing to pay since I go for convenience, and restringing floating bridges is a major pain in the bottom.

Then I saw these stainless steel strings advertised for being half the price of Elixirs, so I confirmed with the salesman and he confidently said they were anti-rusting, so I just happily paid the price and went home, only to discover that at half the price, only half the strings were anti-rusting. I remembered seeing titanium-coated strings close to the price of Elixirs - my gut feeling told me they were the real coated, anti-rusting strings I was looking for, but I just took the salesman's word and got the stainless steel ones instead. It annoyed the heck out of me because it means that I'll have to replace my top strings relatively soon.

Oh well, as a Chinese proverb says, cheap things no good, good things no cheap. It's back to Elixir Polyweb for me then.

Dad brought home a HTC HD7 for a few days. I was really excited to get my hands on the latest Windows Phone 7.

I'd like to review it but it's been quite some time since I played with it so things aren't really fresh in my mind, but the lowdown is that WP7 won't convert me from Android anytime soon. For starters, the function-based organisation - as opposed to app-based of Android and iOS - really takes some getting used to, and the reliance of social networking sites on Microsoft's implementation and integration into the OS's social hub (as Microsoft calls it) is really making users dependent on them. On top of that, it lacks any sort of multitasking, which is a big no-no for a heavy user like me. The apps (or hubs) are still very minimal at the moment but it's really nothing that can't be fixed over time.

It has one really strong point though - the semi-open nature of the OS and stringent hardware quality control imposed by Microsoft practically removes every chance of fragmentation - every WP7 phone will get updated when Microsoft, not the makers, will it. This is very important as fragmentation is the most annoying thing about Android; its users are completely at the mercy of the manufacturers.

Take my X10 for instance - it shipped with Android 1.6 when 2.1 was out, and only got updated to 2.1 when 2.3 was only a month away from introduction. Now we are completely at Sony Ericsson's mercy for Android 2.2 at least, but there's some hearsay going on that SE will skip 2.2 in favour of a direct jump to 2.3, so we'll see. But I digress.

What all that basically means to the end user is that all WP7 phones will have the same, slick and fast user experience it's meant to have, with no skins and underpowered hardware. The UI is really something - Microsoft's designers have outdid themselves with this one and managed to actually create something unique to themselves. Performance is within 95% of the iPhone 4 - no ordinary feat. I'm a fan.

Crap, this is quickly turning into a review so I'll stop here.

Went out for breakfast and a lengthy chat session with Elaine. Girl just got herself an iPhone 4 so I taught her some tips and tricks.

This picture was the first picture taken with her iPhone 4's front camera, and also her first with a friend *honoured*.

Went out with Lien Yiny who came back from Sabah for her break. I'm happy that she managed to squeeze me into her really tight schedule before she went off for industrial training. It was a little bit too short of an outing but I'll take whatever I can get.. and there's always next time :)

Since both of us are big chocolate fans I brought her to Chocolate Lounge. Actually, I only found out that she was a fellow chocolate lover after I proposed that we go to Chocolate Lounge. Haha. I've only had it once prior to the outing with her but I've been craving for more ever since. It's a little bit on the expensive side though so I can't afford to indulge in it too often, only during special occasions.

I've also started applying for internships and graduate programmes too, so I hope things will work out fine and I get called for at least a few interviews.

Alhamdulillah, things have been really good lately and I believe that they can only get better from here :)

The Connection.

2010-12-10T23:03:00.036+08:00

Today, I'd like to blog about relationships, something that I rarely discuss in this space nowadays. I can't say I'm the most experienced nor am I the best person to be saying all these things, but I've derived everything I'm about to say based on what I've observed, heard and experienced.

The perceived fundamental building block of a relationship is this simple but ambiguous word - 'feelings'.

The most dangerous thing about feelings is that they are usually misconstrued for love. In reality, it's not quite the case. Feelings are really just that, feelings. So what exactly are these 'feelings' we speak of?

Sometimes, feelings are developed in a split second. The most common circumstance is 'rebound' - I don't think there's a need to elaborate on this. A person in 'rebound' mode is most likely to develop feelings for the first person who is attentive towards him/her, even if the person was previously enveloped by an invisibility cloak.

For those familiar with The Ladder Theory, this period is when bffs have a chance to get pulled out from the abyss and onto the 'lovers' ladder, although people with more self-control will usually target the first person who meets their (often physical) fancy.

Sometimes, we also develop feelings for another because of common ground and interests. I think this is the most dangerous and likely trap we can fall in. Reason is that we tend to focus too much on the similarities as 'obvious reasons' to get together but often fail to think about the differences. When differences rears its ugly head you'll think the person has 'changed', but the reality is that the person has always been like that all along, but that particular side was suppressed, or rather, oblivious to you.

The general brutal reality is that these 'feelings' were developed at opportune moments, i.e. X just got out of a troubled/long-term relationship and Y was 'just there'; X was just touched by everything Y was doing and decided to give Y a chance; whatever, there are plenty of variations to these two scenarios. The ultimate ending is the same most of the time - ugly.

To sum everything up in one sentence, feelings are volatile - they come and go and are highly circumstantial.

So what am I getting at here?

I've come to realise that there's more to loving someone, to relationships, than just 'feelings'.

Some people call it the X-Factor, some people call it Soul Mates. I call it The Connection. The Connection may come hand-in-hand with feelings, but more often than not, it doesn't. Not initially at least.

Two people with The Connection may have never been together, or were been together at one period of their lives, often when they were younger, more reckless and had yet to understand what it truly meant to be in a relationship.

So what is The Connection all about?

The Connection is when you don't need words to describe how you feel for someone, when you don't have to give it much thought - you just know that your bond with the person is special. The best part is, there is no mistaking The Connection for platonic friendship. Two people with The Connection will always bear romantic feelings towards each other, even if they are not attached, even if they vehemently deny it.

They are mutually attracted to each other, often at first sight, with little to no external circumvention. They are willing to do things for each other without thinking about them. They can sit down together without saying a word for long hours but still feel comfortable. They are contented with every little thing the other does and give no further thought or demands. They will always seek each other out in times of need, or at the very least think about each other when the circumstances don't permit it. They can have nothing in common with each other but yet able to talk for hours about everything. They often find their dreams within the other. They can still talk to each other no matter how long it has been since they last spoke, or how fractured their relationship was at one period.

Even if they are physically and circumstantially separated, their hearts and souls aren't. Due to this, people with The Connection will always find their way back to each other no matter what comes in their way, with or without knowing it, despite acknowledging or denying it.

What I'm trying to say here is - feelings are temporary, The Connection is permanent.

People with feelings for each other need not have The Connection. Conversely, people with The Connection need not have feelings for each other all the time - the latter is but a phase of life - The Connection transcends feelings. I suppose this is where the saying 'opposites attract' stems from, or the reason why we often see apparent mismatches.

The main difference between the two is that feelings are not enough to sustain a relationship. Sooner or later, commitment becomes obligation and no longer mutual, and the feelings will then diminish. When that happens, it almost certainly signals the end of the relationship.

On the other hand, The Connection is there to stay, unless if either party does something stupid like cheating on the other, or anything of similar magnitude and consequence.

So as a conclusive remark, in my opinion, the fundamental building block of a relationship is The Connection, not feelings. The premise is very simple - if you have to think whether it exists, most likely it doesn't.

Some people find the person to establish The Connection with sooner, while some find it later. One thing's for sure though, if you by any chance choose to severe The Connection you have with another once you've found it, then.. I have to say that it might just be the biggest loss in your entire life.

I used to be stupid enough to think that I could force something through with just 'feelings', only to discover that my heart lay elsewhere.. with The Connection.

Motor music!

2010-12-07T21:45:00.007+08:00

I'm four days late, but yup, I'm done with my exams!

Hopefully I won't run into any snags.. with the volatility of Semester 7, I can honestly never really be too sure or confident.

What's done is done though!

After Thursday's paper, my aunt dropped by my place to pick my brother up for an outing with my cousin. I chatted with her for awhile and she invited me to join her family to catch Tommy Emmanuel in action after my exams at MCA Hall on Jalan Ampang. I was previously contemplating on going because the tickets were a little bit on the pricey side, so I gladly accepted the invitation!

They were really strict about photography and videography though so I didn't take any shots, not even with my phone. I don't think Tony Emmanuel needs any introductions if you're into the acoustic or jazz guitar scene though. His show was amazing.. a great, talented and outgoing performer. He made the crowd feel right at home with his random conversations and storytelling sessions. Would love to catch him in action again.

The show was a good 2.5 hours exclusive of intermission, well worth the ticket price.

A shot of KLCC from the MCA Hall. We were on the way to Pelita for a really late dinner. I only got home around 130am or so, and the show started at 830pm.

The next morning, my dad, stepmum and I went to the Kuala Lumpur International Motorshow (KLIMS). We have been been regular attendees of KLIMS but I have to say that the past two shows in 2006 and this year were really disappointing. No German brands took part, and honestly, apart from the very few concept cars and imminent releases shown, there was nothing that couldn't be seen in Naza World or showrooms.

This might sound funny to most people, but the saving grace of the show was Proton and Perodua. No kidding. The latter finally moved one step forward from bumper designing to actually designing a concept car. Sure, it's based on the Prius, but it's one step forward still. However, my focus today is on the latter.

Proton put on a very impressive showcase of future products and technologies, and even included a few booths for patrons to design their own car and listen to talks on the design process. They also put up their competition-winning Proton Exora (first place, beating Nissan Leaf) and Saga EV on show (the latter got disqualified for not being near production or something like that). Not forgetting that the CEO himself was on the floor interacting with people, and he brought our rally drivers along for photography and autograph sessions as well.

There are so many things I could say about Proton's showcase, but I'll cut it short. I believe that Proton has finally come around with its new management. Despite what people may say about the brand, I felt very proud when I saw foreigners testing, enquiring and getting impressed with Proton's lineup. Sure, they have blundered aplenty under the new management.. but so has pretty much every other car company out there. I honestly would like to see Proton succeed in the global arena in this lifetime.

Here are a few shots.. the rest can be found in my Facebook album, for those connected to me.

The Proton EMAS hybrid concept designed by Giugiaro, who also designed many influential cars such as the original VW Golf and Scirocco and also modern beauties such as the Alfa Romeo Brera and 159.

This might see production by 2012!

The Proton Tuah concept, intended to be the Persona's replacement model. Tuah is only concept name, I can't remember its working name at the moment, but it was stated in last Sunday's NST Cars Bikes Trucks.

The front is getting rather common, with the previous Honda Accord Euro and current Honda City and Kia Forte currently carrying derivatives of it, but it's not necessarily a bad thing. Daytime running lights and the honeycomb floating grille differentiates Tuah from the others though.

The rear of the Tuah which I find extremely gorgeous. If the brake lights look a little fake, it's because it's a clay model, so yeah, it is fake. It should look much more realistic when it hits production, something like the organic flow brake lights of the current BMW 5 and 7-series.

The Proton Lekir concept, which is basically a rebadged Lotus Europa. Again it has a different working name starting with the letter E but it eludes me at this moment. This was supposed to come out a few years ago but I suppose it didn't see the light of day due to Proton making too many losses and cannot afford to release another niche car after the Satria Neo.

Proton seem pretty serious about putting it into production, even going as far as saying that they intend to put in the upcoming turbocharged Campro engine and are looking to price it below RM150k.

Finally after all these years their acquisition of Lotus is starting to show more benefits other than the standard 'Lotus Ride and Handling'. Hope they release it when I can afford one :D

I might sound like the outlier Proton supporter in the midst of many haters and bashers, but I have my reasons. First and foremost is that they actually take the trouble and effort to actually design and produce their own cars. Sure, the results have been mixed and biasing towards negative thus far, but I appreciate the passion and effort put into them.

As of late, improvement has been visible too, under the new management. They are recovering from their horrible previous management and are now slowly but surely becoming competent globally, which is great for a 25-year old small-time car manufacturer with a domestic demographic of around only 23 million people (and I bet you more than half cannot afford cars!). They have also managed to produce a few solid designs as of late and have established a reputation for being amazing to drive.

The only gripe I have about Proton is that it is heavily politicised, which leads to a lot of business decisions being interfered and botched by certain people. The purported Volkswagen AG takeover is a good example, among other things. Some might have issues with Proton being babied too much and blame them for the high car prices here, but I think there's more to the picture than that. If the cars aren't taxed heavily, other things will be. I'd rather luxuries be taxed instead of essentials such as petrol, food and pretty much every other thing. Oh, and don't forget income tax as well.

I'm ending this little discussion here as it really can lead to so many other issues and factors. Opinions expressed are entirely my own and I agree to disagree with any conflicting ones because I know I'm probably one of the rare few who supports the local car industry.

Anyway, I was supposed to blog more about my recent activities, but got carried away haha. To keep this entry readable, I'll leave it till next time.

These Are The Days of Our Lives.

2010-12-01T23:01:00.011+08:00

Three down, two more to go.

The first two papers were pretty crappy. I think I might've just squandered my best chances to crawl back into First-Class Honours territory, although to be fair everyone else felt the toughness.

My confidence was totally shattered yesterday, but my dad told me something that immediately jolted me sober.

"The moment you even THINK about surrendering is when you become a loser. Do you want to be one?"

Among other parts of our conversation, that sentence struck me the most. It was a rhetoric question, the answer was obvious; of course not!

As it turned out, today's paper was much better than the previous two, and that restored my confidence. Would like to think I did alright, although I wasn't able to answer a few questions. The pick-me-upper and confidence boost I received before yesterday's paper also worked wonders in motivating me, and I'm really thankful for that.

Can't wait for my holidays, really. Some things I want/need to do:

Restring my guitar and get some parts replaced. I've been without my guitar for a good month already and I miss playing it a lot. The guitar is seriously my best instant destressing tool. I can just pick it up, play some scales and a few songs, put it aside and feel so much better.
Send my car for its recall service - the clock spring. Although nothing's wrong with it, better to be safe than sorry, I guess. Will test drive the latest Proton Inspira while I'm waiting.
Game. Seriously. My PS3 is gathering dust. Waiting for my Dead Rising 2 Outbreak Edition to arrive from London a few days before Christmas, thanks to Karyn. In the meantime I have ~~Angry Birds~~ God of War and Kingdom Hearts for the PSP.
Read a book that my dad gave me some time back. It's about a forensic computer scientist pursuing the world's best hacker and notorious cybercriminal. Non-fiction. Geek book I know, but I'm happy reading it hahaha. Also have some other books on hold but I think I'll be realistic and focus on finishing one at least.
Three words. FINAL YEAR PROJECT. I think I've said so much about this until there's nothing more to be said.
Apply for internship. Next semester ends 11th March. Thinking of starting 15th March if the company allows it.
Finish up some pending jobs and get some nice moolah for my Singapore trip! IRON MAIDEN!

Gosh my English is going down the drain, seriously. Lately, I always end up unsatisfied by what initially comes out of my fingers (mouth doesn't apply here) and edit them many times. I've also had some writing ideas to expand but I end up forgetting them -_-

Been listening to a lot of Queen lately - songs other than Bohemian Rhapsody, that is. Am in love with 'These Are the Days of Our Lives'. Such an amazing song that reflects my current feelings.

Going to sleep now. Waking up early tomorrow to revise some Concurrent Programming. I don't believe in going crazy the night before exams, I prefer to be well-rested and be in the right state of mind. In my course there's no such thing as mugging or nerding.. it's too practical. The only thing I can do at the last-minute is to just skim through the slides, which is what I'm gonna do.

The best things in life are the simplest. Making myself happy with every little bit I can get because I don't know how long it will last :)

Yesterdays.

2010-11-29T01:26:00.008+08:00

It's been a little more than 2 years since that first happened and a little less than 1.5 years since that dreadful incident, but I still feel the same way as before, like when it first started.

Once in a lifetime, you meet that one person who feels just right in pretty much every single aspect, before harshly being driven apart by circumstances, then you never quite feel the same way again.

For better or worse.

Counting Down.

2010-11-28T18:47:00.004+08:00

Just one more week and I'll be finishing my second last academic semester.

I have been really lucky this semester, I must say.. been given plenty of lifelines and now I'm not doing too badly. Luck will run out though, so I must rely on my skill to get me through this finals with flying colours.

Can't believe that I'm only 18 weeks away from the end - 6 of them will be my semester break, which will be used to make some progress on my Final Year Project. We are required to finish at least 50-60% by January 2011, otherwise it will be impossible to finish it by the deadline - end of February 2011. Extending is not an option. Not for me, at least.

Will also be applying to at least two companies for my final semester's internship from April - July in advance this December. I hope that my current 2-1 standing is enough to convince one of them to give me a place.

Honestly, it's getting harder to hold it together when the finish line is in sight. Complacency has always been my biggest enemy, and has always led to me underachieving. Deep down, I know how important this final run is. I know that complacency at this stage will separate the winners from the losers, much like in anything else. I have some good friends with really amazing work ethics and discipline, and I really respect and look up to them. Maintaining my academic focus is probably one of the most difficult things for me. ~~Even more difficult than getting a girlfriend.~~

This semester has taught me a lot, in many ways other than academics as well; probably more than I've ever learnt in these past two years. At the same time, I've never doubted myself more.. sometimes I really think I would've excelled in a different course. Certain things I experienced this semester only served to reaffirm those thoughts, but, conversely, I also experienced many other things that made me realise how much I love my field of study, even if I don't really have much love for the course itself.

All that said, I should give it my all, just for a little bit more, to make a difference that lasts a lifetime.

This is it from me for this week. Expect to hear from me next weekend.

For everyone also facing their finals, all the best and kick some major ass.

Dialectic Chaos.

2010-11-17T21:46:00.005+08:00

Eid Mubarak everyone! Today was a good breather for me. Gonna be extremely busy from now on.

Things to do from tomorrow till next Monday, unless stated otherwise:

Code database functions, procedures and triggers
Prepare database assignment's presentation
Create SAS data analysis models
Prepare 5000-word business proposal for Data Mining assignment
Compile Distributed Systems assignment's user manual-cum-documentation (due this Friday)
Compile Concurrent Programming assignment's documentation and presentation slides (due next Wednesday)
Somehow finish the waaaaay overdue Concurrent Programming individual assignment (overdue)

After that it's full speed ahead for exams until the week after. This semester, my exams will be one whole week without any breaks.

Family's going to Genting next Friday to Sunday, dad has a function. Thinking of going because if I stay home I won't be studying 24/7 anyway; conversely, if I go I won't be playing 24/7 too. Furthermore I think it's better to study in a different environment sometimes, the cool air will be good for me.

Won't have too much of a break this December too. Most of the time will be spent on my Final Year Project and internship applications. I'm keeping all my options open and dismissing nothing. That said, I intend to have a good balance of everything - need to practice guitar, work on a pending freelance project and better my social and gaming life a little.

Looks like Mandarin, piano and drums will have to wait -_- Oh well career comes first.

Some random thoughts:

I've been having some thoughts about becoming a lecturer. It'd be cool to be able to give something back to the community and share my experience with the future generation, although if I don't further my education beyond degree (professional certs don't really count), I'd only be qualified to teach at pre-university level. Becoming a part-time lecturer is something to think about when I'm much, much older.. Subjects of choice? Definitely computing and anything related.
Toying around with the idea of opening a commercial tech blog. This needs some really careful planning though, as there are a lot of things to take into consideration.
My room is extremely dusty and needs to be cleaned.
Need to send my car for its recall exercise and test drive the new Proton Inspira while I'm at it.
Miss playing the guitar, I need to change its strings soon.
I love my huge family.
Need to better myself. Won't get too far in my current state.

Oh well, I'd better stop rambling for now.

\m/

2010-11-13T19:05:00.003+08:00

There are some things money can't buy.

For other things, there's online shopping :)

It's confirmed, I'll be heading down to Singapore on 14th February 2011 and coming home on the 16th. It'll be either Week 6/7 of my final academic semester so I can't afford to take too many days off. Thank God the 16th is a public holiday.

Have pretty much finalised my travel itinerary, but haven't bought my Aeroline tickets yet. That can wait until early next year since the prices are fixed anyway.

I'm excited, but first things first - my impending Semester 7 coursework submissions and finals!

Smile..

2010-11-07T20:03:00.003+08:00

.. because it will make a difference :)

Three more weeks until my semester ends.

To be honest, I haven't been as hardworking as I would like to be. Ideally, I could be on top of my studies AND still have time to do whatever I want.

Alas, we don't live in an ideal world.

I'm currently facing a stumbling block related to programming that's stopping me from progressing further in my work. I feel that if I can get through this, I can go full speed ahead in my degree and finish with at least gliding (one step below flying LOL) colours.

I feel like I still know so little. I crave for more knowledge, more skills.

Ah well, no point ranting but doing nothing about it :)

That's all for the time being. Sorry for the filler entry of sorts.

UP THE IRONS

2010-11-03T19:39:00.002+08:00

CAPS ARE COMPULSORY FOR THIS ENTRY BECAUSE I CANNOT CONTAIN MY EXCITEMENT!

IRON MAIDEN. IN FREAKING SINGAPORE. ON FEBRUARY 15th, 2011.

I AM GOING. SO GOING. EVEN IF I HAVE TO STARVE FROM NOW UNTIL JANUARY TO AFFORD THE TRIP.

I'VE WAITED SO LONG FOR THIS TO HAPPEN.

UP THE IRONS \m/

These Days.

2010-10-31T19:53:00.013+08:00

This post is made out of random, because I feel like it.

I've had an extremely trying week which I wish never happened. Too little too late for certain things, I can only hope time heals. Story of my life, I suppose.

Currently trying this game out at the moment since my guitar is out of commission and I don't have any better way to destress apart from going out and spending money. Better this than that.

Just released last month, and some reviews called it the best survival horror game of 2010.

I have a love-hate relationship with the survival horror genre. I honestly am quite the chicken when it comes to horror games and movies; while I usually avoid the latter, I am really strangely drawn to the former.

[Confession: I play survival horror games with the lights on, door open if possible, at barely audible volumes.]

Dead Space was the last survival horror game I played (RE5 doesn't count, it was more action than survival horror). I loved the game to bits but it was so scary, I sold it off immediately after finishing it because I didn't think I'd have the guts to replay it. That's how bad I am. Haha.

Anyway, I'm only about an hour into the game and am loving it so far. The requirements aren't high (it's also on Mac, so as long as your PC's specs are close you shouldn't have any problems) - Blackened with only a 512MB Geforce 8400GS can run it smoothly on medium settings, albeit at a relatively low resolution of 1024x768. Highly recommended.

Going slightly off-tangent here; I have half a mind to transform Blackened into a relatively competent gaming PC now. It'll have to wait until Budget 2011 though, as I've used up what's remaining of Budget 2010 on an impulse purchase which I'll be receiving around Christmas :) Thinking of giving it at least 4GB RAM, a new graphics card - eying the 6-series AMD Radeon - and an obviously unavoidable new PSU. If I'm feeling a little crazy I might shove a watercooling kit onto the Phenom. But we'll see.

A souvenir Melissa got me from her trip to Bali. Cute, I like! :)

Not many people know this, but I have a soft spot for owls, ostriches and penguins. If I remember correctly, someone called me as observant as an owl - partly because of my eyes as well - when I was much younger. I think it was my mum.

The Odd Trio finally had a random reunion after nearly three long years!

We called ourselves The Odd Trio because we really are a mismatched bunch, with personalities as different as night and day, but can somehow get along in odd ways.

We're so odd, we can't even remember how we got to know each other as a trio. Best part is - we hardly chat online these days, if at all!

A baby's antics - except crying, that is - does wonders in alleviating stress after a rough day :)

On an unrelated note, had a funny conversation I had with my 8 or was it 7-year old niece at my uncle's place today.
Niece: I have some advice for you!
Me: Which is..?
Niece: SHAVE!
Me: Hey! My beard is manly okay!
Niece: Eww, no way! *sticks tongue out and walks off*

So adorable :)

.. And that marks the end of my random entry.

That's Just How It Is.

2010-10-28T22:21:00.002+08:00

Today is just NOT my day.

Well, better one bad day than ten bad days.

Sigh.

You'll Be In My Heart.

2010-10-26T19:21:00.007+08:00

Come stop your crying
It will be all right
Just take my hand
Hold it tight

I will protect you from all around you
I will be here don't you cry

For one so small, you seem so strong
My arms will hold you, keep you safe and warm
This bond between us can't be broken
I will be here
Don't you cry

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart, always

Why can't they understand the way we feel
They just don't trust what they can't explain
I know we're different but, deep inside us
We're not that different at all

And you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forever more

Don't listen to them
'Cause what do they know
We need each other, to have, to hold
They'll see in time
I know

When destiny calls you
You must be strong
I may not be with you
But you've got to hold on
They'll see in time
I know
We'll show them together

'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on,
Now and forever more

Oh, you'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be in my heart, always
Always

***

This song was playing on the radio where I had lunch this afternoon; brought back fond memories.

On a different note, my subjects' syllabi are almost done and over with! Once I finish the five remaining assignments, I should be in good shape for the exam, I would think. This semester's exams are as ruthless as the subjects, starting immediately after the semester ends, one paper a day, no extended pseudo-study breaks. On the bright side, I get a week extra for my break.

Either extremely good or extremely bad.

On another different note, I feel like becoming solitary, for at least a short period of time. Too many unwelcome things happening and I need to rid my mind of the burden.

Time: The Beginning.

2010-10-23T00:00:00.000+08:00

Don't we all wish we had time machines sometimes?

To relive the highlights of the past, the best days of our lives, over and over.

Circa June 2004.

Circa January 2009.

Of course, that is but an idealistic and shallow thought. The past paves the way for greater things in the future, provided we hang on long enough and open our eyes and heart to the cause.

Everything does happen for a reason. A greater cause. A realisation. A wake-up call. Whatever.

However, sometimes, we draw inspiration and motivation from our past.

Which is why I'm taking some time off to spare a thought for the one I love the most, for what could've been her 49th birthday.

Dear Mummy, you are greatly missed; wish you were still here, supporting me through my final year, watching me mature into a young adult you can (hopefully) be proud of. Happy 49th birthday. You'll live forever in me. I'll do you proud, and that's a promise.

There are many things that I miss, but the reality right now is that my life is on full throttle. No time to look back, otherwise I'd get left behind.

Fourth.

2010-10-18T22:49:00.004+08:00

A friend's brother, a beloved cousin, a friend's aunt, and today, a friend's mother.

Today was the fourth death involving someone I know, and tomorrow will be the third funeral I'll be attending this year alone.

.. and some people ask me why do I have morbid thoughts.

To be honest, I don't. Yes, I'm 'seasoned' enough to not feel anything nor flinch at news of deaths or funerals, but it doesn't mean I like attending them, nor do I welcome them.

Instead, if anything, death teaches me to appreciate life and living better.

Probably the most significant lesson it taught me was to learn to let go of petty things. I hate conflicts, for a very simple reason - I don't want to be caught in a situation where either party dies before we can make up. It'll cause the survivor to suffer.

A principle which I hold close to my heart and will always practice is that there is nothing worth conflicting over for more than three days, maximum. Even the biggest of conflicts are petty. Either you confront or cast aside your differences and make up. If that's not possible, at the very least, have a clear conscience about it.

If I'm ever caught in a conflict, I will make three attempts to soothe or mend it at three different times. If the other party refuses to, then my conscience will be clear. That's how I go about doing things. It doesn't matter if I'm right or wrong - there is no point in being right if I lose a friend or loved one.

Another thing that irks me slightly is that the living are only (re)united when a death occurs. To me, this isn't right. Why do old friends and distant relatives only see each other in an event of a death? What if you're the one in the casket instead? Wouldn't it be too late already by then?

Oh well, just some random thoughts blurted out by a very tired me with a headache.

Time to sleep, I've got quite a day ahead of me tomorrow.

Not an Option.

2010-10-14T23:09:00.003+08:00

Next week will be total hell.

Classes from 830am - 430/530pm from Monday to Friday due to replacements.

Advanced Data Structures and Algorithms test on Monday. Concurrent Programming assignment due on Wednesday. Both are the most difficult subjects this semester.

No time to work on the assignment next Monday and Tuesday due to said replacements, so I gotta finish it by this weekend by hook or by crook.

Well, on the bright side, I will have significantly less classes on Week 12 and 13 due to cancellations. That will be a good time to work on the final few assignments and Final Year Project.

This semester has been so demoralising due to the sheer quantity and difficulty of the subjects. Complaining won't get me anywhere though so I guess I just gotta stand up and fight.

I'll make it through.

Failure is not an option.

Well, guess this calls for a change in routine, starting now.

Note To Self.

2010-10-10T21:57:00.019+08:00

I'm feeling inspired right now, so I'm writing this note to myself in hope that I can re-inspire myself when I read this anytime whenever I feel like giving up or slowing down in these next crucial 18 weeks of my life.

I have had career talks with my parents - well, mainly my Dad - throughout my degree life, but today's talk hit me the hardest and might finally be the one that finally lodges itself inside the depths of my memory. Maybe it's because the significance of it, the fact that I am less than 5 months away from this reality we often speak about.

Of course, what I'm talking about is discounting the fact that I still have an internship to do as my final semester, but I believe that it's best to take internship as seriously as working because of that. The most crucial thing to do is to get into a good company for internship - preferably the one I want to spend the next few years at - and leave an impression. Even if I don't end up working for them after I graduate, I can at least get a good recommendation letter.

To get into a world-class company, first I will need to get the best degree I can get. Currently my results stand at 2-1, with a first-class still very likely. So I will need to do my level best to elevate myself to first. Remove all obstacles, forget all distractions and just aim for first. Nothing I do these next 18 weeks will be able to substitute a first-class honours. Remember, 45% of graduates end up with 2-1 honours degree. I've never liked being part of the majority, so I don't see any reason why I should settle for that right now. Not while first-class is still a realistic fighting chance away.

Assuming that I've tried my best and failed to get first-class, at the very least I'll be able to graduate with a strong 2-1 which is close to first. It's best to aim for the sky, so that if I fall, I'll fall on the clouds. The highest clouds I can reach before the sky. But the catch is I'll have to try my absolute best first, only then I will be able to settle for the clouds with no measure of regret.

Regret is one thing that I wish to avoid. I think I've regretted enough in my 22 years of life. It's time for me to fulfill and live up to my potential that God has blessed me with. I already have a decent resume with a breadth of work experiences. Without a good degree, all the effort I put into my previous jobs will all be in vain.

Last, but not least, I want to make my family proud. Especially my late mother. She had always told me about her expectations of me, and now that she's gone, the very least I can do is to be someone that she can be proud of, in her memory, love, honour and respect. Not forgetting my dad as well - he has done a tremendous job against all odds so far and I really don't know what will I do without him. He has given me everything that I could ever ask for, and I will be a failure if I give him any less in return.

I am also the eldest of five siblings and I will have to be their role model. It doesn't matter if they eclipse me at one point in their life, but it would only be acceptable if I am the who positively inspired them to.

These next 18 weeks will make all the difference in my life. I must seize and make full use of them while I can. So no more time wasted, please. Remember, nothing I do now will ever be worth a first-class honours and consequently, a good job.

Those were the main things I wanted to write about as reminders to myself. The following section is me looking slightly further ahead than the previous, but I intend to document my thoughts whilst they are still fresh in my mind.

I believe that due to my upbringing, I already have a certain expectation on the standard and quality of life that I wish to lead. While it's good to have targets and expectations, I have to remember that I need to be patient to achieve all that. A trend I've noticed amongst fresh graduates is that these same expectations are the ones that hold them back - in the midst of their over-eagerness, they spend too much too soon to reach the standard of life they want. This only leads to temporary gratification and will cause them to be financially stagnant for years to come due to the debt they accumulate in their early years.

That's one mistake I'm keen to avoid at all costs.

My dad has imparted me the same advice his father - my late grandfather - gave him on finance management. This same advice led to the success of the Rahman clan. If I follow it I should be on safe ground; in fact, I'd be extremely stupid not to. It's strict and conservative, yes, but it's a surefire way to avoid trouble.

The first job, and the following five years, are the most important years in building up my reputation and career. They will determine whether my growth will be exponential, stagnant or slow in the coming years, and thus the life I will lead for the rest of mine.

So, for the last time, and all its worth, please, me, give it your all until the end of February 2011. It WILL be worth it.

I might not have written in much depth, but it's good for me to think for myself whenever I read this entry. That's the whole main point of me writing this motivating and inspiring myself.

Also, by publishing this on my blog, I hope to have inspired others who read this as well :)

Burn!

2010-10-09T12:52:00.005+08:00

So my one-week break has almost reached its end.

I did manage to get some work in, although I wasn't as productive as I would have liked to be. Story of my life!

But well I did manage to figure out some Final Year Project design issues, so it's still something I guess. Or rather, I now have an idea of how I want to code my still-unnamed project, i.e. the classes I'll need to use, program structure et al. It's a small step, but a step nonetheless :)

Other than that, I just spent my short break meeting up with some friends, tinkering around with Blackened, playing a little games and just lazing around, mentally preparing myself for the remainder of my degree. I'm sure December's break won't be too much of a break for me.

Come to think of it.. I only have 18 more academic weeks into my degree, breaks inclusive. After that it's internship, and then I'm done! I'm little bit worried when put into that perspective though, since my current subjects are really killer and if I'm not careful I might find one or two of them pulling my Honours down. But hey there's nothing else that can be done but work!

I'll be lying if I say I'm not excited about graduating. Sure, apparently there's nothing like student life - in working life, there are no cancellation of classes and semester breaks - but I say it's about time I move on to another phase of life.

I've been feeling rather uninspired on the musical front lately. Don't think I've mentioned this recently, but my hobbies are cyclic.. I will generally focus on only one thing at any given period, be it music, geekery or gaming. Reading will always get thrown in the mix somewhere, can't live without books, although I tend to read more during geekery and gaming periods. But I digress.

My band has been verbally invited to a gig scheduled early next year, which means that I've tentatively met my goal of gigging at least once a year. When I started playing music, I thought I would never be good enough for a band and would remain a bedroom guitarist for the rest of my life; as it turned out I've been gigging for the past five years already. Quite an achievement for somebody with no musical training, if I may say so myself.

I think that's all I feel like talking about at the moment.

Til next time!

Colour Our World Blackened.

2010-10-03T20:40:00.006+08:00

[Note: First post from my new PC, lovingly named Blackened (derived from Black Edition, more on that later)!]

In an era where netbooks and laptops reign supreme, the ever-faithful, trusty desktop PC seems to have diminished in importance.

Or has it?

Never, if you ask me. Regardless of how heavily-specced and priced a laptop is, it can never beat an equivalent (or a few tiers lower) desktop when it comes to heavy-duty computing. A pure desktop replacement such as an Alienware costs sky-high at the expense of mobility, which defeats the purpose of getting a laptop to start with.

I got a laptop in 2008 just before university started after my then 4-year old Pentium 4 desktop died. At first everything was alright, until I connected to a 1650x1080 external display and started to multitask like I did on the desktop. The laptop failed miserably. To make things worse it would overheat whenever I did anything video-related and throw my HD videos out of sync.

To be fair though, my laptop was an outgoing model which was going on stock clearance, but given a RAM boost and a fresh OS install by yours truly. Two years later, after much annoyance and frustration, I decided that my laptop shouldn't be abused anymore, and requested for funds to build a low-middle range desktop as my 22nd birthday present. Thankfully my dad understood my plight and agreed.

Choosing parts for it wasn't easy. For starters, my knowledge on desktop PC technology needed some major updating. After that it was mixing and matching parts to suit the budget. Took me two weeks before I could finally decide on what I wanted.

At first I wanted to write a layman's guide on how to choose the best components, but decided that the layman will usually have a personal technical consultant to sort these things out for him/her so nevermind.

The innards of Blackened as shown by Speccy, a basic, cutely-named diagnostic tool.

Nothing to shout about, really, as it was assembled on quite a tight budget. I'm just happy to have something that can finally take everything I throw at it without much fuss :)

So why Blackened?

This little baby over here. The AMD Phenom II 955 Black Edition.

So why AMD, and what's the fuss over the Black Edition?

Well, based on my research, today's generation of AMD processors outform Intel's equivalent offerings by quite a significant margin in multimedia rendering/editing and multitasking - which is what I'm mainly using Blackened for - at lower prices. Intel holds the crown for gaming though - something I already have the PS3 for.

The Black Editions of AMD's Phenom II line come with unlocked multipliers - which basically means that I have less things to worry about while overclocking (boosting the computer's clock speed). Overclocking with a locked multiplier requires tricky and skillful balancing between clock and RAM speeds which is quite a hassle, not to mention that both components will generate more heat combined. With an unlocked multiplier, all that needs to be considered would be the vCore and the processor's temperature. Easier said than done, but still simpler than usual.

Usually people within my budget would get the cheaper AMD Athlon II, but I wanted the flagship Phenom II no matter what, so piecing together the rest of the system within budget was quite difficult. For starters, I had to downsize my RAM from 4GB to 2GB, and cut costs on other parts.

Choosing a motherboard was a daunting task. Budget-oriented people would go for uATX motherboards because of integrated graphics. Problem was there were no budget uATX motherboards that could support the Black Edition; the only two that did would bottleneck the Black Edition like crazy, and I wasn't going to have that. So, I had to settle for an ATX motherboard, which required me to get a discrete graphics card (hence the RAM downsizing).

I also had to spend abit more for a 64-bit edition of Windows 7 so that I wouldn't be inhibited by the 4GB RAM limitation ;)

Three levels of cache, and an unlocked multiplier.

Consequently, I had to add some cash to the sum that my dad was giving me, but it was all worth it. The result was Blackened - an average PC with a powerful processor that allows for a lot of upgrading headroom thanks to the ATX motherboard's extra expansion slots compared to uATX. RAM is cheap, and I can change graphics cards without feeling guilty as I bought the cheapest one I could find.

Had I gone the cheaper Athlon II route, despite not being able to hold a candle against the Phenom II, I would undeniably end up with a more well-rounded PC with 4GB of RAM and a much better graphics card, but at the cost of futureproofing. The processor and the motherboard are the costliest and most troublesome components to change so I focused the bulk of my budget on those two.

Next up was to assemble the PC. I used my old Pentium 4 casing, which was abandoned for two years already. Took nearly three hours to dismantle the whole rig and clean the casing inside out. There was so much dust, it was sin.

The outdated combo and floppy drives are redundant because I accidentally threw away my drive covers during spring cleaning, silly me -_- spot the major identity crisis if you can, hehe.

After that was to make space in my cluttered room for the desktop. It wasn't easy at all.

Notice the two subwoofers stacked on top of each other. Not the most elegant solution, but it'll have to do at the moment. Don't let me get started on the mess of cables under the table, it's unsightly. Gonna have to go to Ikea and get some cable tubes.

Where's my laptop? It's downstairs at the moment. I'm gonna have to figure out where do I wanna put it in the house permanently, as I still need it for university. The laptop is still very very important to me, in fact.

Hummingbird origami from Heavy Rain says Hi from the top of the Black Hole where it currently resides. Which reminds me, I'm still not quite done with the game just yet.

Anyway, I'm having my mid-semester break at the moment. A very much welcome one, as I'm starting to get lost in the midst of my 5 subjects and I need to desperately catch up. Furthermore, my Final Year Project hasn't gone beyond the planning stages too, and I need to do something about it.

Ending this entry now to catch the Arsenal-Chelsea game. Til next time!

As The Clock Strikes Twenty-Two..

2010-09-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

.. I am most likely right here sitting in front of the computer, preparing for the rough week ahead while replying to SMSes, chats and Facebook posts.

This is a scheduled post. Thought I'd write this about three and a half hours in advance since I've been feeling like updating my blog for awhile, and as a kickstart to my programming assignment.

As clichéd as it sounds, I can't believe it's been one year since I celebrated my 21st. And one significant year it has been! I feel like my life has been accelerated since I turned 20; I think I've changed and grown so much since then, even though it has only been two years.

I still remember the night I turned 20. The surprise birthday party, and the extremely memorable message, followed by the nearly 3-hour (free) phone call. It has been two years since, and that seems so far away right now. But I digress.

In this past year, many things have happened. Some made me happy, some made me sad, some made me angry, some made me regret.. but everything taught me something new. I'm glad they happened.

This year, I'm feeling more nostalgic than ever. Maybe it's the age. Maybe it's the unofficial (probably unknown to most of the guests) celebration I had two days ago. Maybe it's because things could've been different had I acted with more patience and maturity. Maybe it's because this fiscal year will be the final step before a significant milestone of my life, bar any eleventh hour hiccups.

I'm pretty excited to see what life has in store, to be honest. How I will I spend the final few months of my degree life? What sort of degree will I end up with? Where will I be working, locally or overseas? Will I be doing my Masters instead? Who will I meet? Will current friendships remain, or go closer or further? Will fractured friendships be fixed? How will Baby Jaz grow up? Will I be blessed with another year in this world? Will I lose any more loved ones? How will I have changed as a person?

So many questions that the answers to are just waiting to be unearthed as I go along.

I can't wait!

Happy 22nd, me.

Happy 5th, Aman's Antinomies. I wish I didn't delete the blog I kept from early 2004 to 27th September 2005. There were some pretty interesting things in there.

I thank everyone that has impacted me throughout my life so far, in one way or another, from the bottom of my heart. It has been my honour and pleasure to be in your company and I'm looking forward to what the future holds for us.

At the same time, I also sincerely apologise, from the bottom of my heart, to everyone that I've wronged.

Every Year is Getting Shorter.

2010-09-21T00:50:00.003+08:00

The date approaches.

Nostalgia hits.

Dreams shatter into pieces.

Save for remaining bits.

How far will you go to save someone you love?

2010-09-18T13:11:00.011+08:00

Pardon my relatively lengthy absence, I've been really busy with Raya open houses and uni work.

This might sound contradictory, but in the midst of my hectic workload and timetable, I decided to buy a game to help me relax a little, since it's been a good 6 months since I bought one, and about 4.5 months since my PS3 got some decent attention.

The title of choice?

I'm aware I'm a little bit behind time on this one. It came out too close to Final Fantasy XIII, and knowing the FF fanboy in me, every other game would be put on hold once FFXIII arrived, so I didn't buy it then.

Putting Heavy Rain on hold ended up being a great decision, because Heavy Rain is FANTASTIC. One of the best games I've ever played in my entire life. The game itself is pretty short - I finished it in about 8 hours or less - but it has multiple outcomes and endings, so multiple playthroughs are a must. If I had gotten it before FFXIII I definitely wouldn't be able to fully appreciate this game.

While I'm at it, I might as well give a spoiler-free mini-review.

Synopsis:

Life was all fine and dandy for Ethan Mars. He was living happily with his wife and two sons Jason and Shaun until one fateful day at the shopping mall, Jason wanders off while Ethan was paying for a balloon. Following a frantic search, Jason gets killed by an oncoming car while crossing the road. After that, life came crashing down on Ethan - his wife divorced him and his surviving son Shaun estranged himsef, both parties blaming Ethan for the loss of Jason - causing Ethan to fall into depression. Ethan's own traumatic experience of having his son die right in front of him has caused him to develop schizophrenia, and he constantly suffers from blackouts.

One day at the park with Shaun, just as Ethan was finally able to start mending his relationship with his son, he suffers another blackout. When he came to, Shaun was missing - kidnapped by the notorious neighbourhood criminal the Origami Killer, who kidnaps and kills little boys by drowning them.

The incident serves as the platform for Heavy Rain's four protagonists - Ethan Mars; Norman Jayden, FBI agent; Scott Shelby, private detective; and Madison Paige, photojournalist - in their respective quests to find and capture the Origami Killer before he takes away the life of yet another innocent child.

Mini-Review:

I'm not going to talk much about the gameplay, graphics and like aspects of this game, since there are already plenty of reviews of those. Instead, I'm going to go straight to the point and give my personal thoughts on the game.

Heavy Rain's character development is fantastic. The lengthy introduction is to slowly get you to understand and go through the motions with Ethan, his fractured relationship with his son and his psychological struggle to overcome his trauma. Throughout the game, as Ethan goes through various trials and tribulations to get the faintest clues about his son's wherabouts, you will actually feel very very sorry for him. I'm not going to touch more on the other characters's motivations and development, but let's just put it this way - all the four characters's respective stories cascade into one (or in this case, few, but I'll get on to that later) amazing, breathtaking and intense ending.

As a passing mention, the soundtrack for this game is excellent, too, fully capturing the emotions and poignancy the developers meant to portray. Voice acting and dialogue isn't the best though - some conversations and voice-overs seem to fall flat at times, but that won't detract much from the overall experience.

Heavy Rain's storyline unfolds non-linearly. Every action and decision the you take and make will have an impact towards the ending you'll get. This is one of the very few games that doesn't have a 'game over' screen; if you blunder, the storyline simply takes another direction, leaving a road not taken for you to discover for another day. Some actions have less severe consequences than others, impacting only dialogue and general reactions, but others will play a pivotal part in story development.

This non-linear aspect, coupled with the emotional and moral decisions you'll have to make, is truly where Heavy Rain really shines. In a brief but related digression - one of the reasons I bought this game was because I wanted something different than the usual killing, run-and-gun, hack-and slash et al., in one form or another. Heavy Rain did just that, and more. In the very few times I was actually presented the option to kill, I thought long and hard, and actually felt guilty and disturbed when I made the decision to kill. It has been a long time since I had such feelings while playing a videogame.

As a conclusion - PS3 owners, play it. I guarantee that no matter what genre you're accustomed to, you won't regret it. Heavy Rain is a game will mess around with your mind and leave you wanting for more right after finishing it. For the action-hungry though, look elsewhere. This game doesn't have much action, but it more than makes up for it with the fantastic storyline, storytelling, emotion and experience.

One of the best games of all time.

Setahun Hanya Sekali.

2010-09-09T22:45:00.006+08:00

So Ramadhan has came and went.

In the blink of an eye, the poignancy and tranquility of Ramadhan has now been substituted with the familiar sights and sounds of Syawal.

It has been an eventful month, to say the least. Started my final year - it has been a really hectic one so far, the heat and pressure are on, and I don't see them easing up until the end of the year at least. Then there was that mini-gig in Monash followed by Monash Talent Night. Last Friday was Melissa's random birthday dinner. Only blemish of sorts was something that I wished never happened. But let's not talk about that.

Time really flies.

This picture was taken five Rayas ago, when she was still with us - her second last.

I was 17 then; now I will be turning 22 in just a little above two weeks' time.

Crazy ain't it? I was just a snot-nosed kid preparing for SPM who thought a little bit too highly for himself and basking in the glory of puppy love. Now, here I am, a final year university student who still tends to think a little bit too highly of himself and swimming in the sea of uncertainty.

Back then, the idea of losing a family member was an absurd one, but here I am, typing this entry, having lost two in the past five years. Ideally, I'm sure we all wish that we would never have to bear with the feeling of loss, but I guess everything happens for a reason.

C'est la vie.

Anyway, moving on to other stuff, I managed to submit my Final Year Project proposal for review today.. which means that I'll get to enjoy my short Raya break without having to think about it. Spent 3.5 hours just writing it. Might not seem like a lot but I did spend quite a fair bit of time researching, reading and discussing stuff with my supervisors before finally getting down to it.

It also hit me that if everything goes well, this will be the final year that I'm technically eligible for duit Raya - next year I'll have to give instead. Haha. Let's just hope that some kind uncles and aunties will cut me some slack and still give me duit Raya considering that I'll have just entered the workforce by the time Raya 2011 comes along.

Ah, change. Why are you coming at such breakneck speed in recent years?

Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir dan Batin to everyone I know. If I had wronged any of you in any way, I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart.

Selamat Hari Raya, Mummy and Yan. I'm sure both of you are well and celebrating Raya together from wherever you are. Raya will never be the same again without both of you.

Have a good festive weekend, all. Work resumes on Monday for me.. have to work harder than I've ever done in my entire life these next 11 weeks or so - my future is on the line.

Point of No Return.

2010-09-07T17:34:00.008+08:00

Dear you,

You probably never saw us as more than just friends, but the moments I've spent with you were some of the best memories of my life. You probably can never see us together, but you complement me in ways a lot of people probably never will - that's how unique you are - but I guess there are more things beyond that to you. Thank you. I'm sorry for pushing you over the edge. For not being more patient. For not being able to give you what you want. Among other things.

Other things unsaid here have their own time and place and thus will just remain within myself for the time being.

***

So the moment finally comes.

It can't be helped.

I guess it was due to my own missteps and flaws.. things would've probably been different if I had just been more.. patient.

But well that's just how it is. What's done is done. No matter what I say or do right now I won't be able to take them back.

Ultimately, time will heal me and determine where do I go from here. Maybe the future will allow me to atone for what I've done. Maybe the future will change the circumstances. God knows, and I don't want to think of anything of the sort for the time being.

Screw matters of the heart. Why do I even bother.

I'll get by. Somehow or rather. In one way or another. Just like I've always did.

In the meantime, I'll keep my idealistic thoughts to myself.

It's gonna be a long 12 weeks.

Ah well............ that's just how it is.

Break.

2010-09-03T05:50:00.000+08:00

I'm still alive.

Tired, jaded and stressed, but still alive.

Will be back very soon.

Time and Patience..

2010-08-24T00:05:00.008+08:00

.. seem to be the core values this year's Ramadhan is trying to teach me.

I believe that Time will reveal everything, and Patience will be the one determining what happens.

Let's just leave it at that.

Last Friday, my band had a mini-gig at Monash Music Club's Get-Together Party. The theme was 'Heroes of Music' so I dressed up as..

Kirk Hammett of Metallica. Sans the hair. Obviously.

Well not really. My outfit was pretty generic with no particular 'hero' in mind. It was purely coincidence that it was reminiscent of what Kirk Hammett wore during the concert with the San Francisco Symphony Orchestra in 1999 (not the picture), plus my guitar also looked the part (except that mine is an Ibanez while his is an ESP, but the other details are pretty close) prompted that comment from Jo bro.

My getup. White tshirt hidden despite me unbuttoning quite a fair bit.

Since we had only one jamming session with our stand-in bassist, Thor, our 15-minute setlist was rather downbeat and technical rather than crowd-rousing.

Yeah I am aware that our stand-in bassist has the same name as the Greek God of Thunder - I call his bass guitar Mjollnir. Funny thing is that none of us know his real name, and he too was reluctant to divulge it to us. Haha. He fit the Antithesis theme seamlessly though - he looks and acts nothing like a stereotypical metalhead, much like the rest of us. He's also technically skilled and did a great job on the bass.

There, can see my tshirt a little.

So anyway, that night's setlist was Metallica's Fade to Black and Iron Maiden's Phantom of the Opera. We initially wanted to play Blackened but Thor wasn't familiar with the song so we had to scrap that for an easier one. In good time too as I didn't feel like playing anything too aggressive at that point. Considered playing GnR's Welcome to the Jungle to rouse the crowd but it was vocally too challenging.

Video of the gig can be found here - I wanted to attach it but there were some problems with the embedding. Constructive criticism welcomed. If you liked the video do become a fan of Antithesis on Facebook :)

Antithesis with A Ruthless Cleansing, an underground indie death metal band whose lead guitarist studies in Monash, and part of the Monash Music Club's organising committee.

It was a great event I'd say. Of course the bands were stellar, but to me, what stood out were the non-band performances. A trio pulled off absolutely amazing acoustic guitar renditions of Muse's Time is Running Out and Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing which got the crowd singing along in no time. An acoustic guitar soloist did a mindblowing Kotaro Oshio cover which left my mouth agape in amazement. Google him, his technique is amazing. A female flutist did a breathtaking medley of Metallica's Master of Puppets' interlude and Linkin Park's New Divide. I couldn't decide which one I liked best amongst those three.

Sometimes these sort of performances capture the essence of music better than bands, in my opinion.

Well, I guess this will be our last gig in awhile as Jo bro, Ivaldi and myself are in our final year of university; but hey, who knows eh. Maybe we'll get another gig when we're on break at the end of the year. See how it goes.

That's all for now.

When Love and Hate Collide.

2010-08-23T00:09:00.001+08:00

Relevance to my current feelings is anyone's guess.

***

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind

Instead of slamming down the phone girl, for the hundredth time

I got your number on my wall, but I ain't gonna make that call

When divided we stand baby, united we fall

Got the time got a chance gonna make it

Got my hands on your heart gonna take it

All I know I can't fight this flame

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind

Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby, time after time

Without you

One night alone Is like a year without you baby

Do you have a heart of stone

Without you

Can't stop the hurt inside

When love and hate collide

I don't wanna fight no more, I don't know what we're fighting for

When we treat each other baby, like an act of war

I could tell a million lies and it would come as no surprise

When the truth is like a stranger, hits you right between the eyes

There's a time and a place and a reason

And I know I got a love to believe in

All I know got to win this time

You could have a change of heart, if you would only change your mind

Cause I'm crazy 'bout you baby...Crazy...Crazy

Without you

One night alone

Is like a year without you baby

Do you have a heart of stone

Without you

One night alone

Is like a year without you baby

If you have a heart at all

Without you

Can't stop the hurt inside

When love and hate collide

You can taste the bright lights but you won't get there for free.

2010-08-18T16:12:00.012+08:00

Three days into my new semester, and I already have a feeling that I'm gonna have my work cut out for me. Not in terms of amount, but sheer difficulty. Lecturers have been alright, I'm getting positive vibes so far. That will certainly make things easier. 14 weeks is not that long, come to think of it.

Speaking of which, I have to start on my Final Year Project. Have yet to read the tutorials and materials Dr. Adelina gave me. I'd better do so within these next 2 weeks while my subjects are still in 'recap' mode. Thinking of finishing my project proposal 2 weeks before the 15th September deadline. That'd definitely give me some headroom in terms of slack, especially towards the end of the semester where I would almost definitely be rushing my assignments.

I feel that, despite some seniors suggesting otherwise, balancing 5 third-year subjects together with the Final Year Project is something perfectly feasible. My timetable isn't what you'd call packed - some friends have it worse. Which leaves me plenty of time to do whatever I want for the most part. I'll definitely make full use of the time I have to engage in the things that I enjoy doing.

In other news, my band, Antithesis, will be performing during Monash Music Club's Get-Together Party this Friday night. It's also a dress-up party where a best-dressed competition for people who dress up identically to their musical idols will be held. Wonder whom should I dress up as - for starters, I don't have long hair, which all my guitar heroes seem to have -_- except for Paul Gilbert, but the setlist won't have anything of his, so it'd be pretty off. Regardless, I think I'll try something different for this gig - instead of my regular black tee and jeans, I might wear an unbuttoned black long-sleeved shirt with a white tee inside. Also thinking of ditching black altogether. That would be interesting.

Anyway, the event is open to the public, so if anyone's interested, just give me a holler.

I also went clothes-trying with my one and only dearest fashion consultant on Monday :) didn't make any purchases though since it was getting late, plus we hadn't tried and surveyed everything yet. Saving the best stuff for the next trip.. I frankly never thought I would ever be bothered with all these things, but I guess the person makes the difference eh. I was actually quite sad when it came to an end. But well, I'm crossing my fingers for it to be the start of better things from here on out. It was a very significant trip to me and it cemented a lot of things even more for me, for better or worse. Beautiful memories that I shall cherish forever regardless of what happens in the future.

I.. am on the verge of breaking a cycle, or so I would think, at least. It might not be perfect, but it's a start, and slowly, but surely, I believe I'm getting there. I'll need that change for my own serenity eventually, so better now than later while I still have something to fight believe in and fight for.

I am at war with myself, and I am determined to not let negativity win.

This is it.

2010-08-14T22:29:00.007+08:00

Come Monday, I'll officially be a final year Computer Science student. I have mixed feelings. One part of me is dreading the end of the holidays, but I guess I largely feel that it's time for me to move on and finish the journey once and for all.

Approximately 25 more weeks and my academic semesters will be done and over with. Something I never could've imagined when I started in 2008, but hey, here I am. My future will largely depend on these next 25 weeks of academics + Final Year Project and 14 weeks of internship in my final semester.

This holiday has been a blast. I managed to do a lot of things I wanted to do, except a road trip, but the memories I made in exchange were far more significant.

Managed to jam to my heart's content. Will be jamming for the third time tomorrow, in fact. Antithesis is also gonna be playing a short set next Friday in Monash University. Took the KTM to Central Market for the first time in 12 years. Met up with old and new friends. Random lunch and dinner hangouts. Family gatherings, birthday celebrations and fruit parties.

The highlight of my Semester 6 break was, however, by far, the Slash concert.

It was electric, as expected of a rock and roll legend. Slash has never sounded and played better. Myles Kennedy (Alter Bridge) is an amazing vocalist with insane range. Brent Fitz (Alice Cooper), Bobby Schneck (Aerosmith) and Tony Montana (The Godfather.. haha nah, Great White) were tight, sharp and spot-on. The rock-deprived 7000-strong crowd were making the best out of a lousy venue, not letting crappy organisation stopping them. The best act to hit Malaysian shores by far.

One of the best days of my life for sure, but not only because of all that. I went to the concert with the best company I could ever ask for. My bandmates sans Ariff. My brother. My cousin in-law. Met up with some other friends there. You. Amazing company notwithstanding, you were the one who made the difference. It was the best decision to go the extra mile to ensure that you could attend the concert with me.

This holiday was also the time where I addressed the matters of the heart. I realised that I still have much to learn, much to do. It's also Ramadhan, the most significant month in the Muslim calendar. Time for self-reflection, improvement, and change. There can't be a better time for me to strive for what I believe in.

My heart is telling me that this is the journey that I should embark on, despite its challenges and seemingly unsurmountable battles. The only certain thing about it thus far is uncertainty, but I believe that I'm doing the right thing.

I believe in my values, principles, decisions, and most importantly - myself.

I admit, I've blundered badly, eventhough I thought I had already learnt from previous experiences; but I'm always trying my level best to improve myself.

I'm not perfect, but I'm always trying.

I'm determined to see it to the end. No matter what the end is..

.. because I know it will be for the best.

The journey begins.

2010-08-10T01:08:00.004+08:00

The comfort zone has been broken. I knew it was imminent.

This is it.

I have nothing to hide, and you will see it.

Going with the flow.

2010-08-08T00:50:00.002+08:00

Today was a very bizarre day.

So many things happened, but they all seem like a blur now, as if nothing ever happened.

I said something totally unexpected, something I have yet to comprehend the logic behind disclosing; but yet it felt like the right thing to say at that moment.

I was told something that initially left me feeling completely hopeless, but upon a few minutes of calming down and thinking rationally, was actually something that could actually work in my favour.

Despite that, my emotions are still conflicting. Emotions versus logic. Fear of leaving a comfort zone versus entering a new phase of life. Emotions are being negative and selfish by assuming that things will go downhill now that a comfort zone is broken, making me fearful of the eventual reality. Logic is being optimistic by saying that this will make things better; without change, there will be no progress.

I choose to follow logic, as I believe that it is what my heart says. Otherwise, I can't see why my heart would tell me to throw things out in the open earlier.

Everything happens for a reason. A good reason. No matter what the outcome may be.

I admit, I'm afraid of the dark, but I will continue moving forward, doing what I believe is right. Even if I'm alone and without reassurance. No fear. No pain.

As much as I would like to deny it, I still have to mature more to hold on to what I hold dear.

This is how the tables turn.

2010-08-03T01:42:00.006+08:00

Innocent comments during a discussion with a friend, oversleeping during the day, deliberate trips down memory lane, together with the music playing from my speakers now, have left me deep in thought.

Sometimes, I curse some parts of me.. but yet, deep down inside, I know that I wouldn't want them any other way, given the person I am.

Sometimes, I think that something's wrong with me.. but I have to keep the faith in myself, because if I don't, how can anyone else?

All that said, I'm pretty darn happy with who I am.. I believe in the person I am, the decisions I make, and the things I do.. just that I wish I could be more hardworking in my studies, hahaha.

I'm enjoying my holidays. Been in touch with my musical (or lack thereof) side quite a fair bit; playing and listening to a lot of it, and even managed to write some.. although for my eyes only at the moment.

Oh well, pointless post is pointless. Proper one coming soon..

Time after time.

2010-07-24T14:33:00.004+08:00

Sometimes, things just happen when you least expect them to.

It's all about 'the moment' when revealing the hidden just seems right, no matter how obvious it was prior to that. At 'the moment', circumstances, ambiance and setting become irrelevant. The most important thing is that the truth is revealed at the right time.

I feel like a huge burden has been let off my chest. Finally, I can start focusing on rebuilding what was broken and preparing for the future. I might've mistreated, misunderstood and wronged someone, but I won't do it a second time.

Circumstances are very much different this time around, for better or worse. Better because I have grown. Worse because the damage has already been done. However, I realised that without the past, I wouldn't have become the person I currently am.

I don't know where things are headed from here on out, but I feel that it doesn't really matter anymore. What's important is enjoying the journey while it lasts, and embracing reality as it happens.

Regardless whether our roads converge, or eventually or remain split, I believe that everything has been fated from the very beginning.

I'm thankful and happy. Here's to redemption, and coming back to life :)

Two's complement.

2010-07-21T01:34:00.005+08:00

Can't believe it's been more than 9 months.

Something that I decided to partake in because I thought it 'would be interesting since I've never done it before anyway' ended up becoming one of the most significant and life-changing events I've experienced.

Luckily I decided to withdraw my student exchange application to Korea at the last minute, otherwise this wouldn't have happened. Little did I know back then, but it felt like the right thing to do. It really was.

I'm happy and grateful things turned out the way they did after all that happened.. although I probably wouldn't stop wishing that I wasn't so hasty and rash back then, despite knowing that it wouldn't have turned out any other way due to circumstances.

Everything happens for a reason, and I can only mature from them. I'm now 9 months older and wiser, and ready to make amends to atone for my mistakes. Perhaps this is all fated, and I'm sure for good reason.

Well, come what may.

No matter what happens in the end and along the way, I'm glad that we met.

Ah, Aman AR. Why are you so stupid sometimes?

I'd write more, but it's past 2am already and I should be getting some sleep.

On another note, Slash in another 15 days!

All alone I fall to pieces.

2010-07-17T01:01:00.011+08:00

If only I..

.. didn't rush things when they were clearly still premature ..

.. had been more patient ..

.. had been more understanding ..

.. had been more mature, reasonable and sensible ..

.. could actually see what I had, instead of what I didn't ..

.. back then, I could've avoided being in this predicament I'm in now. I hate this feeling of immeasurable regret. But well I guess everything is a learning experience - the classic 'you don't know what you have until it's gone.'

Dear God, I know I haven't been the best, but if I could ask for one thing right now, I'd like to be able to make amends to a certain somebody. I believe I've matured quite a fair bit and learnt how to be a better person for said person since then. I'm ready to explain things if needed be. My greatest fear now is that my own wrongdoings and missteps in the past will prevent me from acquiring that which I truly wish for in the present. However, I believe that You know best, as always. Hence, I leave the timing of things up to You. Just please grant me the perseverance to obtain what my heart desires.. and prevent it from getting broken again.

Man, I haven't been this honest with my own feelings in awhile.. probably because I haven't felt like this since then. Hope it won't get mistaken for self-pity and/or loathing.

Of course, this is only from my point of view. There's the other point of view that I've taken into consideration, which is why planning the next step is such a tricky process.. hence, I've decided to go with the flow of things. I think that's the best way to do it without being selfish. Good things come to those who wait :)

P/S: I'm not in need of advice nor solutions, I pretty much know how to handle the situation. I just need to rant a little bit, so bear with me.

Paradise City.

2010-07-11T11:03:00.005+08:00

I'll be on holiday from Monday (12/7) 1110am until Sunday (15/8) 1159pm. For some reason I'm looking forward to this break more than my previous five. Maybe because I have finally managed to break the curse that has plagued me for the past five breaks.. or maybe I'm just really relieved to have finally come at the end of a really long and tough semester! Let's just disregard the fact that next semester will be tougher.. for now. Funny thing is, although I know it'll be tough and all, I'm somehow looking forward to it because I know it's my second from last academic semester of my BSc. When the end is in sight, things become much more exciting!

~~Plus the fact that I'll most likely be doing my MSc means that I'll be eligible for duit raya for another year, hehe.~~

Anyway, like every normal student out there, I've come up with some plans for my short break!

In no particular order:

Jam to my heart's content.

Ideally, I'd go jamming at least once a month as a deliberate distraction and diversion from the left brain killer that is Computer Science. Opinions have said that Computer Science is a very balanced field, as creating software is both a science (programming) and an art (designing), and I believe this to be true. My programming logic is passable, but my real strength lies in designing software and optimising code (right brain) ..unfortunately I'm not a Software Engineering major, so the bulk of my course consists of programming of some sort. But I digress.

Unfortunately, like myself, my bandmates will also be in their final year of studies, therefore we'll only be able to get together during our breaks. We haven't jammed since our gig in March, and a session has been scheduled for next weekend. I really can't wait.

Go on a moderate to long distance road trip.

This is quite self-explanatory. The last long-distance (>200km) road trip I went with my friends was to Malacca after A-Levels in 2007, pictured above. Last year, I drove to Malacca again with my family for my SCS Family Day gig. This year, I intend to go even further if I can. If I don't drive, I'd like to go on a sleeper train again. I might or might not be able to do this though, as it depends on who's free at that time.

Embrace nature.

Kingfisher. Bukit Cahaya. Skytrex. Bukit Gasing. Sailing. Whatever. I love to be around nature once in awhile!

Go on a photography trip.

I think I overdid the PP of this picture as it looks really dark. Nevermind. Anyway, I just wanna brush up on my photography - it's a casual hobby for me, I know I suck. This can easily be merged with the previous two.

Catch Herman Li in action on the 24th of July.

This pic was taken in 2007 when he last came. I was having a fever then, hence the stoned look, haha. Herman Li isn't whom you'd call a guitar virtuoso, and I'm not too big a fan of Dragonforce and his shredding in general, but you don't get too many high-profile guitarists coming, so it's worth supporting. Plus the tickets aren't really expensive. Might get my Ibanez RG signed this time too, hehe. Still thinking about it, but most likely going.

Catch Slash in action on the 5th of August.

DEFINITELY going. Bought the tickets the day they were released. Very excited about this - Myles Kennedy of Alter Bridge is doing a great job covering Axl Rose on vocals, based on Slash's latest videos. Can't wait to hear Nightrain, Sweet Child o' Mine, Paradise City and Civil War the way they were meant to be played! Axl Rose's new guitarists in Guns 'n Roses took away the soul and feel of the songs.

I will get a fixed bridge, mahogany-bodied guitar.. be it an Explorer or Les Paul.. someday :( thought of getting one by the end of the year, but looks like the funds - if I manage to amass them, that is - will be channeled to a new desktop or Mac Mini, since I really need a more powerful computer that's capable of handling my 22-incher's 1680 x 1050 resolution and playing HD videos. But I digress yet again.

Of course, spending time with my family and yumcha sessions with my friends go without saying :)

What on Earth am I doing here? I should be ~~gaming playing guitar~~ studying for my last paper! Oh wait, there's nothing to study already.

Ready when none of you are.

2010-07-10T23:02:00.006+08:00

Just some random thoughts that were running through my head.

If I knew when I was gonna die, first and foremost, I would let only my family know. No friends. My reason? Very simple - I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me and thus treat me differently.

Then, assuming current circumstances, one day before, I would..

Remove all my blog entries and replace them with a long thank you note.
Apologise to everyone I know, either in said entry or personally.
Finish all outstanding work - part-time work, university coursework, whatever.
Confess to a certain someone and apologise for not being able to fulfill my promise to her.
Delete all my social networking websites' accounts.
Turn my phone off.
Just stay in my house with my family and be content with my life until my last breath.

Unfortunately, all those are quite likely not happening, unless if I'm somehow really lucky.

A lot of people are afraid of death. I'm not.

No worries, I'm not suicidal. Quite the opposite, actually.

Death keeps me sober and grounded firm on my feet. Death makes me unable to hold grudges against anyone, no matter how badly they've hurt me. Death strengthens my resolve to make full use of my life.

It's just that I have experienced enough to fully make myself aware of the fact that I might not wake up to see tomorrow.

If that somehow happens, I can only hope that the circumstances are right.

Well, on a livelier (pun intended) note, my second year life ends on Monday, 1110am :)

Sixth battle, third from last.

2010-07-04T21:21:00.004+08:00

I had a pretty eventful Friday and Saturday. Went to Williams with Karyn and Kimm and subsequently hung out until late at Karyn's place on Friday night, followed by Skytrex with Ajim, Alop and Afa, then Fourian Fare (my alma mater's 10th anniversary celebration) on Saturday. Was supposed to work for an extended period today but I haven't really been in the mood.

My final exams begin tomorrow, yet I have no mood to study, and choosing to procrastinate in the weirdest ways possible. Oh well. Guess that happens to everyone.

Anyway, my papers are:

Intelligent Systems (5/7)
Introduction to Data Structures and Algorithms (6/7)
Web Programming 2 (8/7)
Object-Oriented Analysis and Design (12/7)

This week's subjects are killer, especially Web Programming 2, so I'll be glad once Thursday's exam is over.

I've decided on this holiday's gaming fix:

Metal Gear Solid: Peace Walker.

Persona 3 Portable.

.. both on the PSP.

I initially wanted to play God of War III and Heavy Rain but buying either will completely deplete my holiday finances, so I'll hold on to my cash unless if I can sell some older games.

I seem to be at a point where I feel that a lot of things seem to be insignificant if I'm alone. Of course that's not really the case but still.. I feel like I'm missing something.. or somebody.

Meh, I shall refrain from elaborating further for fear of it coming back to haunt me. Another reason is because I don't wanna feed these thoughts. If something is gonna happen then it'll happen. It all just boils down to that in the end.

Now I'm just go shower, get myself some chocolate and start my studying for the night.

Future projection.

2010-07-01T18:42:00.005+08:00

I have finally finished everything related to Semester 6.. except the final exam that is. Actually my last assignment was submitted on Monday, but I just wanted to take it easy a little until my Research Methodology peer review session today.

Anyway, this semester has been totally hectic.. pulled off more late nights (~4am) than I ever had in my entire life. Part of the reason was of course oh-so-typical procrastination, heheh. Can't say they weren't worth it though as the results have been satisfying.

Also settled my Final Year Project (FYP) title and supervisor nomination. Initially I wanted to pursue a personal project which I had thought of, and had already gotten approval for by one of my lecturers, but a gut feeling told me to ask Dr. Adelina, my Intelligent Systems lecturer who also happens to be my head of department, regarding any projects she has available. I suppose it was the more intelligent (pun intended) choice to make since she is an established academician and her projects will definitely be something worth doing.

I did, and turned out she had a project with Ms. Angela Lee which was just about to enter development phase, and invited me onboard. I initially had my reservations because Artificial Intelligence is a challenging field; despite me having interest in it, I didn't know if I was cut out for it. That dilemma didn't last long though as I wanted to do something unconventional (typical me) so I accepted her offer.

So now, my FYP title is officially 'An Ontology-based Computing Curriculum Wiki', which is basically a minor plot of a grander scheme of things that shan't be mentioned here because I don't wanna have to tag this post under 'geekery'. Basically, this project is about, in Ms. Angela's words, "A curriculum repository that automatically knows what to do with the content entered into it."

While I'm excited at the prospect of the challenge, I'm also very nervous. On the other hand, if I manage to pull this off, I'll be able to propel myself to greater heights for sure. However, it's not just the project I'm worried about, it's having to balance five other (insane) subjects together with this as well. But I guess I don't have much of a choice except to just do it!

I can't believe I'm (almost) two years into my degree already, and entering my final year very soon. Feels like I just started my course yesterday. To be honest, initially I was slightly upset, almost to the extent of being resentful and self-loathing, to be stuck in just Sunway when my friends were all going places. Some might say it couldn't be helped considering what happened in between, but I take full responsibility for not being able to overcome my mental weakness.

Now, nearly two years down the road, I think I can say that I wouldn't have it any other way, despite sometimes harbouring some thoughts about alternate paths. Education technicalities aside (Lancaster University honours degree; small, personal groups blah blah), being where I am taught me some very valuable lessons - how to think simple, and most significantly, how to appreciate and enjoy the finer things of life which I've always taken for granted.

See, what I like most about my faculty and batchmates is that things are really simple - there are barely any politics - you work hard, you get your recognition among lecturers and peers; you mess up in group work and colleagues simply shun you - there are no devious plans to deliberately bring someone down. Everyone also just gets along with each other irregardless of race or religion, and there are no heated debates about the state of the country or world. People there get contented with the simplest of things, no drama required.

It's peaceful, relatively stress-free, and made me realise how lucky I am to be who I am, getting exposed to the stuff I was exposed to, and knowing what I know.. and it definitely showed me a side of the world which I never saw before due to the nature of my surroundings while growing up. Of course, such simplicity comes with a reason and a price, but I shan't get there. The point I just made was to simply illustrate how relaxing a change of pace - and mentality - is once in awhile, and what it taught me.

Anyway, projecting a little further - I might, just might, be pursuing a Masters of Science almost immediately after I graduate next year. But that's another story for another day, I guess.

Next up, just so I remember.. Double Quotations: "Every Thorn has its Roses" and "Everything We Do in Life is to Chase a Feeling."

If I feel like it, that is.

Sei lor.

2010-06-24T00:33:00.003+08:00

.. all that, plus Final Year Project.

Something tells me I'm rather screwed.

Well, I'll just enjoy my life until August 16th.. and see how it goes after that. I'll definitely have to manage my time much better. I essentially have to juggle five subjects + FYP + work + ~~kao lui +~~ Antithesis + guitar + games + friends + whatever else I wanna do.

I'll be back really soon. Have a presentation tomorrow, and will be submitting my last assignment and do my last presentation of the semester next Monday, together with my Final Year Project Supervisor Nomination Form. Still have some minor details to work out on that one, will need to draw some flowcharts and diagrams.

Ah well, as Daddy said, I have to earn my keep.

So earn my keep I will, and more.

When I find out all the reasons

Maybe I'll find another way

Find another day

With all the changing seasons of my life

Maybe I'll get it right next time

Guns 'n' Roses - Estranged

Be Right Back.

2010-06-20T00:55:00.003+08:00

Excuse me while I face the busiest two days of the semester.

I have three assignments due and one test to face on Monday.

It's Week 13 already! Oh, I can't wait for the semester to be done and over with. This holiday will be the last one I can properly enjoy, since I will most likely have to work on my Final Year Project over December's semester break.. I already have some plans that I'm looking forward to realising this holiday :)

Al-Fatihah.

2010-06-09T23:39:00.003+08:00

Yet another beloved family member has been called back by God.

This just proves that we are all never too young to die, and we should all be ready to go anytime.

Life is really too fragile.

Farewell, my beloved cousin, Nasran bin Johari, or more fondly known as Yan.

We will all miss your ever-smiling, cheerful and lumbering 6'4" figure that never fails to lighten our family gatherings.

Losing a parent is fairly natural.. but for a parent to lose their child when they are growing old must be totally heart-wrenching.

I don't know what to say anymore.

Al-Fatihah. Rest in peace.

Sneak Preview.

2010-06-07T00:05:00.001+08:00

Meepin' in Auditorium 6, Sunway University College, at 5pm on the 7th of June 2010.

Will upload the video demonstration later :)

Conundrum.

2010-06-05T16:25:00.008+08:00

It's the eve of Week 11, and the end-of-semester curse of my undergraduate life has struck again. Thematically similar to the previous five, it's nothing out of the ordinary.

Isn't it funny that the things that we desire and make us question ourselves time and time again are often elusive and out of our control? Yet, we can't help but to ponder upon 'em. The downside of having a really tough shell is that there will be an extremely vulnerable spot. This is the law of life that reminds us that we aren't invincible.

Sometimes I can't help but to get affected in the process of assessing paths and pondering upon decision trees. As much as I would just like to shove it to the back of my mind, leave it to time to see how things pan out, I have feelings; a personal preference that draws me to a particular road. Problem is that the road I'm drawn to seems like a hopeless battle in bleak, uncharted territory.

So of course naturally the obvious solution is the alternative path. Or is it?

Well, not really. While the other road is more or less charted, it involves more risk and battles which I succumbed to at one point and is not necessarily brighter than the other. The counterargument to that is I have grown since then and might be able to handle the obstacles better now.

Normally, I'd enjoy a challenge; but thing is, this time, if I lose, I'll lose everything and won't have time to recover before impending obstacles come to eat me up. So I'll really have to think carefully this time.

Ideally, I wanna walk through the road I chose until the end. All I need now is a sign. A sign that tells me that I'm doing the right thing; or a sign that tells me I should do otherwise.

I believe that is the answer to this riddle, the solution to this conundrum.

Razzle Dazzle.

2010-05-30T12:10:00.013+08:00

I've had quite a week. Been ill, juggling a crapload of work and getting used to temporary life without a car. Next week should be the last of the assignment rush, as the final three are only due on Week 13, which is towards the end of June. Hope to have the White Knight back by then too. Its presence is sorely missed :(

Police investigation has been completed, I've been cleared of all charges and damages and restoration work on my White Knight should begin once the insurance claim procedures on the other end are settled.

The more I think about it, the luckier I feel. There were so many things that could've gone wrong, so many possible outcomes, but yet things happened the way they did - nobody was injured, and post-accident procedures were easy and hassle-free. But enough about that.

The day right after the accident, my driving skills were called upon to drive up to the KR Residence in Janda Baik, as it was Baby Hannah Dahlia's 1st birthday! Some would think that I'm crazy for driving 150km immediately after an accident, but hey, why not? I certainly don't have time to be hindered by trauma or mental blocks, although I admit that I've become more wary and critical since then, even as a passenger.

Family picture with part of the KR family. T'was a Sesame Street-themed party!

It was Baby Jaz's second trip out too! First was the day of the accident, to my grandma's place, hence the need to take two cars.

Little girl has made quite an impact in my life. In the short time she's been with us, she's taught me the value of patience, and made me gain more appreciation for my parents. She's also a good mood-lifter and a calming presence when I'm having a bad day.

Moving on, on Wednesday night, I got a surprise call from Whit Ni who came back from the 'States the previous day. She wanted to drop by to visit Baby Jaz, so of course I welcomed her, since it's been quite some time since she left.

While waiting for Whit Ni, Kennesh, whom I've been out of touch with since January, also decided to call me. It was purely coincidental, as when I told him it was my lucky day to hear from two friends I haven't met in awhile in the span of an hour, he was surprised to hear that Whit Ni was back. He then asked if he could come over and join us, and the rest was history.

Candid. The one beside me has totally no experience in handling a baby :P

Whit Ni jie jie with Baby Jaz.

It was a good midweek distraction for me. I had been very stressed up with work and still had a report due the next day, so having them around was quite therapeutic for my jaded soul. We ended up chatting until 230am about anything and everything. Needless to say, I only did my report at 645am the next morning. Haha.

I think the best group of friends I have right now are from A-Levels. It was a gathering of likeminded people - the ambitious, the intellectual, and the eccentric - each with our very own strengths and weaknesses that complemented each other. I daresay it was the best period of my life, despite me getting challenged tremendously (passing of my mum, massive decline in academic results) back then.

Since the 5-hour chat wasn't enough, we met again for lunch the next day. Haha.

On Thursday night, since Friday was a holiday, I met up with another group of friends - this time a group of selectively introverted, intellectual misfits and crackpots of different professions - whom I just got to know in the past 10 months or so. I used the word 'misfits' because all of us don't fit the stereotypes of our respective courses, but instead have certain resentment towards them :P

To prove my point:

Michelle (Law, ATC) and Jee Ian (Engineering, Princeton). Michelle was my fellow writer in Entree while Jee Ian was 'accompanying' her *cough* and Kimmie when I met them for the first time last August.

Emilia (Dentistry, Chennai) and Mei Yan (Medicine, IMU). Emilia was a friend of Mei Yan's from A-Levels and is coincidentally best friends with Aurelia, so Aurelia brought her along. It was the first time meeting her. Mei Yan was introduced to Aurelia and I two months ago by Kimmie who also knew her through A-Levels in Taylors.

Myself (Computer Science, Lancaster University Sunway) and Aurelia (Finance, UniSA Taylors). Aurelia doesn't count as a new friend as I've known her for a good three years plus now, but she's new to Kimmie and the rest. Without her, I wouldn't have met the rest of the people in this group. Pretty funny how things work out eh.

Pictures courtesy of Kimmie (Multimedia Student, TOA). Met her last August together with Michelle, she was our designer at Entree. She has made a tremendous impact in my life since, and without her, I wouldn't have met quite a fair bit of people. Haha. Basically, if it weren't for Aurelia and her, I think I would've still been shackled to my past, which would be a huge bummer as obviously the past doesn't care about me right now. Heh.

Misfits indeed, eh? Funny thing is that we all can get along with each other so well, and crack a lot of nonsense at any time of the day, despite only knowing each other for a short period of time. Although circumstances and crazy schedules prevent us from meeting often, the craziness is never lost every time we do.

One similarity though: all of us took A-Level at one point or another! See what I said about A-Level people earlier? ;)

Speaking of being shackled to my past.. I believe that we can never truly unshackle ourselves from what happened. After all, everything happened for a reason. As far as I'm concerned, what matters is that I tried my best, and that leaves my conscience clear and open to whatever that might happen in the future, regardless whether paths cross again or I embark on a new path altogether.

Anyway, that's another story for another day.

Expect an update only a week later, as I'm also bogged down with work this week!

Oh, and a happy belated Wesak to all Buddhists!

Thankful.

2010-05-23T01:19:00.005+08:00

In that split second between when the red Gen-2 swerved dangerously close to my car and impact..

.. I hit the horn hard, slammed my brakes, and had my life flash before me.

Everything happened in just a few seconds, but they were the longest few seconds in my entire life.

I am thankful. For so many things.

Thankful that it was my car that the Gen-2 chose to swerve in front of. My dad's car was right in front of me, about two cars away. Baby Jazmeen was inside.

Thankful that I could still maintain composure to actually brake to a safe speed in that split second, and control the car to keep it in a straight line after impact.

Thankful that everyone around me was cooperative. From the guy who swerved in admitting he was wrong and the policemen who happened to be passing by telling me it wasn't my fault, to the nice Sergeant in the police station. Not forgetting that my dad was just right in front of me. It could've easily been much worse.

Thankful for that one particular text I received at the police station, and of course, everyone's support. I appreciate it.

However, the most important thing of all is that I'm thankful to still be able to tell the story, unscathed. Divine intervention. That's all I can say.

Hopefully everything goes smoothly from now until I get back my car.. which should be in about 2-3 weeks' time.

I guess I've gained a newfound appreciation for life. Or rather, the fragility of it. How just a split second can be the difference between life and death. How random arrangements work out for the better. Among other things.

C'est la vie.

Sometimes I Feel Like Screaming.

2010-05-21T19:36:00.007+08:00

While you were out...

the message says

You left a number

and I tried to call

But they wrote it down

in a perfect Spanish scrawl

Yet again

I'm missing you

King size bed

(in a) hotel someplace

I hear your name

I see your face

(The) back street dolls

and the side door johnnies

The wide eyed boys with their bags full of

money

Back in the alley

going bang to the wall

Tied to the tail

of a midnight crawl

Heaven wouldn't be

so high I know

if the times gone by

hadn't been so low

The best laid plans

come apart at the seams

and shatter all my dreams

Sometimes I feel like...

Screaming

close my eyes

It's times like this

my head goes down

and the only thing I know

is the name of this town

Yet again

I'm missing you

won't be long

O' coming home

Until that distant time

I'll be moving on

***

I first heard this song when they played it in Genting, and loved it, so I searched my collection for it.. Reason why I haven't heard it before is because I've never really listened to anything post-Ritchie Blackmore so yeah.

Love the lyrics, love the music. Next song I'm gonna learn for sure.

Filler entry since I'm gonna be busy next week.. 4 hours of replacement class tomorrow, Hannah Dahlia's 1st birthday party at Janda Baik on Sunday, Research Methodology and OOAD reports due on Thursday and Friday respectively, and last but not least, Beeper (microblogger) for Web Programming 2 and Data Structures assignment due the following Monday and Wednesday respectively.

Final year project briefing's next week too.

Suddenly I feel that time is gonna speed up for the remainder of the year.

Just as well too, because I can't wait.

The Fire in the Sky.

2010-05-16T11:16:00.011+08:00

Rocking the world from 1964..

.. to 2010..

.. and beyond, while inspiring Iron Maiden, which in turn inspired Metallica, which in turn inspired Aman AR.

Deep Purple is considered the pioneer of hard rock together with Led Zeppelin and is one of the most popular and influential bands of all time.

.. AND I'M CATCHING THEM LIVE TONIGHT! \m/

When I heard they were coming, I made it a point to go because it might be the only time I can hear classic rock anthems like Black Night, Highway Star and Smoke on the Water belted out by the band who created 'em; the last chance to catch these aging rock stalwarts in action.

I'm very very excited. Can't wait. Couldn't ask for a better way to end a short break, and a better fuel for these coming 7 weeks which promise to wear me out (there's another source of fuel which I can't buy, but I digress..).

To end this post, here's an old video of me playing the solo to Highway Star about 1.5 years ago, for the heck of it :)

No matter what we get out of this, I know, I know we'll never forget; Smoke on the Water, the fire in the sky.

Alright, hold tight, I'm a Highway Star!

I knew the moment had arrived.

2010-05-12T21:44:00.004+08:00

I seem to have the knack of taking the most unflattering faces of Baby Jazmeen. So many until Aizah has suggested me to make an album full of her freaky faces that I snapped -_-

Happy 2nd month Professor Doctor Zara Jazmeen, future Nobel Laureate winner.

Your presence has brought much-needed cheer, smiles and randomness into our lives. Since you came along, awesome things have happened to me.

Google Android Review.

2010-05-10T19:17:00.007+08:00

Recently, I got myself a Sony Ericsson Xperia X10, which runs Google's Android mobile operating system. Initially, I wanted to review the X10 as it is, but I realised that I was faced with two categories of readers and friends whom had different questions for me to address:

People who are aware of Android and asked me about it as a standalone product. This is difficult to answer in the case of the X10 because it is running a heavily modified version of Android rather than a plain vanilla or lightly-skinned version of it.
People who have absolutely no idea on Android (Android? Apa tu? Boleh makan ke?).

I thought I could do a two-in-one review, but it turned out to be too long for a blog entry, so I've decided to extract the Android review. I'm still working on the X10's review so expect that in a few days' time.

Note that there will be bits and parts where I'll bring the X10 in, because that's the product that I'm primarily reviewing, so just be aware of that before reading on.

Without further ado, let's get on to the review!

What is Android?

Android is a mobile phone operating system developed by Google. It has shown remarkable growth since its debut with the T-Mobile G1 in 2008; and is touted as the fastest-growing mobile platform, and now currently occupies second spot in mobile web airtime behind - you guessed it - the iPhone OS.

It should be noted however, that the X10 sports Android 1.6, while the latest is 2.1. This is due to Sony Ericsson's UX (previously called Rachael, more on that later) user interface was custom-made on 1.6, and unlike HTC's Sense, UX is deeply ingrained into the OS, making it difficult to port over to 2.1 on launch schedule. However, Sony Ericsson has announced that Android 2.1 will be coming to the X10 sometime in Q4 2010.

Since Android was built to compete with the iPhone OS, how does it stack up against it?

First, I'll go on to what Android does right:

Notifications

I personally dislike how the iPhone handles notifications. There's no notification light; notifications are thrust in the user's face by popping up right in front of whatever the user is currently doing, and if cancelled, appear as a number in red beside the relevant app.

Android does notifications by adding icons onto the bar on top of the screen that contains the signal strength, carrier name and battery indicator. When a notification comes in, an icon is simply added without interrupting the user performing a task. This bar can be pulled down to view the notifications in more detail and addressing them is just a matter of touching the desired notification.

The notification light on the X10 is also particularly useful at identifying notifications - blue for push notifications and green for everything else. Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think any modern Android phone is missing a notification light.

Customisable Home Screen(s)

Android 1.6 comes with three home screens which the user can customise to his or her fancy with widgets, folders and shortcuts. A sweet touch is that the wallpaper is also scaled across these three home screens. If the term 'home screens' is confusing, think of a desktop spanning multiple screens.

Android 2.1 adds two more home screens and live wallpapers, which basically are animated and interactive wallpapers. I've seen this in action on the Milestone and it was very impressive despite being a novelty of sorts.

I don't think I need to mention that such personalisation is typically missing from the iPhone. This doesn't seem like a big deal when one has only used the iPhone, but after having the freedom of adding shortcuts and the convenience of updating Facebook and Twitter statuses from the home screen, I think it can be rather difficult to go back.

Multitasking

This advantage will soon be negated by the iPhone OS 4.0, but the implementation of it will be different. Since the iPhone OS 4.0 isn't out yet, I can't perform a direct comparison, so instead I'll describe how Android does things.

Basically, there are two ways to exit an app on Android - the 'back' button closes the app completely while the 'home' button pushes an app to the background. The implementation differs from app to app, but generally that's how it's done. Either way, one can access currently open or previously opened apps by simply holding down the 'home' button, and a simple taskbar that shows the open apps will appear.

The biggest concern about multitasking is the task management, because poor task management will definitely drain the battery faster and impact performance. Well, be glad to know that Android allows only six apps to run at once, and even so it automatically kills idle apps. I've tried using a task manager, but realised that it didn't really make much difference in the end, and even stopped using it after reading an article that using a task manager can actually detriment Android's performance.

In other words, the onboard task manager on Android is fantastic.

Now that we're done with the advantages, here's a very important aspect of smartphones that Android equals the iPhone at:

Mobile Browsing

Android's default browser is based on WebKit, the same open-source engine that powers Safari on the iPhone. This equals to a similar browsing experience and speed. Page rendering on both browsers are similar. Overall, there's nothing much to complain here. If for some reason the onboard browser is found to be lacking, there are always alternatives available in the Market - Opera Mini, Dolphin and Mobile Firefox - to name a few. Personally, I'm alright with the default.

It should be noted that the browser was given a new user interface in Android 2.0 and multitouch support in 2.1, and the X10 is still running the 1.6's browser which has a slightly different and marginally cumbersome user interface. Other than that, all's fine and dandy.

Let's now examine what the market leader is still better at doing than Android, which is probably a good indication why it's still the market leader.

Usability and Learning Curve

I'm not gonna mince any words here - the iPhone OS is easier to pick up and use compared to Android. This is an important factor here as the majority of smartphone buyers will be looking at something that's easy to use, and the iPhone is just that. Android, on the other hand, takes some time to get used to because of its complexity and flexibility that come with its open-source nature. While offering more options, navigation and options on Android are less intuitive and predictable.

Due to the sheer amount of options available in Android and its apps, some settings might appear invisible to the user. Apart from the obvious 'more options' button, pressing down on certain fields will simulate a right-click and thus 'unlocking' more options. Let's admit that pressing down on fields isn't the most intuitive thing to do, and even after two weeks on Android, I sometimes forgot that I could actually 'right-click' and the amount of options available continued to amaze me.

As a technologically-inclined person, I found it a delight that I could personalise my phone down to almost the finest detail, but I don't think everyone looking for a smartphone will agree with me. Hence the iPhone OS still wins hands-down in terms of usability at certain expenses, but admittedly, the omitted flexibility isn't missed by the mass market. But I guess we can't have everything.

In short, let's just say that the iPhone's user experience is still the one to beat.

Apps (For Now)

This goes without saying I guess, since the iPhone OS has been around longer than Android. That said, don't get me wrong - the choice of apps in the Android Market is still mindblowing, to say the least. We only have access to the free market by default though, all the paid apps require that the phone be rooted, which voids the phone's warranty.

Conclusion - To Android or not to Android?

I'll be honest here - I wanted Android because I was bored of the iPhone - there are just too many of them around! After extended use, I realised that Android is just as good as the iPhone OS, bar some little quirks. Not just that, the little advantages Android has over the iPhone OS does make a difference in terms of usability. Because of that, I'd really recommend Android to anyone. However, one has to consider that I'm an enthusiast and nonconformist of sorts.

In other words, Android will make you different - but not cool. Not in Malaysia at least, where the coolest thing around is still the iPhone. So, it all basically boils down to the type of person one is - trend followers will stick to the trendsetter, and there's nothing wrong with that, really, since the trendsetter is pretty damn good.

But to be unique and stand out from the crowd with an equally competent offering, Android is the way to go. Or a BlackBerry, but I digress.

(Note that this is a purely consumer view of Android. I haven't started on the potential Android has in terms of development. Whoever's interested in discussing that, feel free to drop me a comment! :))

Happy Mother's Day.

2010-05-09T01:21:00.004+08:00

Dearest Mummy,

Hope everything is fine up there.

I wish you were still here, to watch me get through my university years, grow into a real man and make a mark in this world.

I know you can see me and us, but it's not the same.

I wonder what advice you'd give to us, and how you'd treat us, now that we're older and not kids anymore.

I guess I'll never know.

Whatever it is, I promise you that I'll do you proud. I'll prove to everyone that I'm worthy of being the first-born son of an accomplished Professor Dr.. I won't die until I've done so.

I miss you so much. It's only been 3.5 years but it feels like you've been gone for a very long time already.

Happy Mother's Day. You were the best and you'll always be.

I love you.

Midsem Break!

2010-05-06T23:07:00.004+08:00

.. well, not really. Not until tomorrow is over. I still have an OOAD research progress report to show tomorrow.

Even so, I wouldn't call it a break, frankly. More like a short period to catch up with the past 7 weeks.

On a random note, test drove this baby last weekend. Fantastic stuff.. I'd definitely get it over the Golf GTi. Unfortunately, unlike Europe, where both of them are priced exactly the same, it comes with a RM40k premium over here. Apparently the Golf and Scirocco R are coming end of the year. Now that would be something worth waiting for.

I have this feeling that I'll be using 2-door pocket rockets for the rest of my life, while mfgf-turned-wife will be the one with the family car. Hahaha.

There are so many things I wanna do during this short break, I'd be happy enough if I could accomplish half of them. Of course, getting up to speed with work and assignments take top priority. Theoretically, that is.

I think my work ethics are better this semester, although I could really use a little bit more discipline. Have been slacking a little bit these past 2 weeks, feeling really jaded and burnt out. I hope this break will do me good because there really are a lot of things to do.

Other that that, I've been contemplating upon a few aspects of my future lately. It's really funny and ironic how things are working out to be. I've seen and been through so much irony I'm starting to become more of a cynic. I wonder if that's a good or bad thing.

Well, only thing I can do is to keep the faith I guess. What's good will be mine!

I really wish to properly pen my thoughts. An entry that really documents how I feel about certain things. One day, one day..

Overdue.

2010-05-02T12:48:00.005+08:00

I have been so tired and busy it's quite unreal. This semester is ridiculously hectic, with weekly submissions, progress reports, presentations, and lately, tests.

It's all good though. It just means I'm one step closer to graduating. Only two and half academic semesters to go.

Anyway, the main point of this post:

Wishing very happy (belated) 20th birthdays to both Kimmie (26th) and Aurelia (28th)!

Celebrated their birthdays with them twice this week, haha.

Thanks for everything, you two. Here's to more years ahead of us. May all of us, with our respective life partners, sit together one day and reminisce about all the randomness, spontaneity, crackpotness, support and advice we gave to each other.

Earlier this month were Aizah's (9th) and Atuk's (20th) birthdays, but the pictures were taken in the comfort of our home attire after dinner so I won't post 'em up here :) happy belated birthdays to them as well!

Other than that, this week has been a week of divine guidances and interventions in the form of symbolisms. Out with the old, in with the new, they say. I say it's about damn time I have a new form of motivation. But I'll see how it goes.

That's all for now, as I have a lot of things on my hands this week. Will finally get a break next week, but even so I wouldn't call it one because I need to clear the backlog of work and catch up with the past seven weeks. I hope to squeeze in one or two proper entries then.

Small Two of Pieces.

2010-04-25T01:19:00.005+08:00

In the midst of adversity, a commonly made mistake is focusing on complaining and getting upset or angry.

The real thing to do is focusing on doing what needs to be done.

It's seriously much easier that way. One chooses to see what colour life is.

I've been applying this principle in a lot of things I do. While so far it has worked to a great extent, there are times where I get engulfed in the negatives, especially in periods of stress. Like now.

At times, I curse my inability to cast aside distractions and completely focus on what needs to be done. However, I know that only I can change that, for I'm in control over my own actions.

My weaknesses have been tested almost to their limits, but I try my best to overcome them. So far, I've been winning, and I'm feeling better with every hurdle I overcome.

I can do this. I know I can. I've lost battles, but I won't lose wars.

I have something to prove. A personal conviction or vendetta? It doesn't matter. It's reason enough to drive me. That's all I need.

I'll get what I deserve, and I personally will see to that.

Ending this post with something very cliched yet true - c'est la vie.

Narcissism.

2010-04-20T08:05:00.018+08:00

Inspired by my friend Tee Jowee who wrote something like this the other day. I found it narcissistic yet realistic and quite liked the idea of it.

So here it is - Why and why won't Aman AR make an awesome boyfriend!

Note: My future girlfriend will be abbreviated to mfgf.

So, the bad news first - why I won't make an awesome boyfriend:

I get annoyed easily. While I generally let go of a lot of minor annoyances, mfgf will most likely have to bear with my agitation releases once in awhile, especially if I get agitated in quick succession. No worries, it won't happen often, and 90% of the time it won't be related to mfgf.
I have a big ego, although not in your typical chauvinistic dominating male sense - my big ego mostly lies in my work ethics. I can't stand having to listen to somebody who doesn't have my respect, I will continually refine my work until I think my audience will be impressed and I dislike it when I disappoint somebody and make them have a negative perception of me.
I don't like getting made fun of and jabbed at for the silly things I did in my past. This is one of the quickest ways to make me blow, and trust me, the aftermath won't be pretty.
I'm an Arsenal supporter. Mfgf's guy friends will most likely support Manchester United.
If I don't like any of mfgf's friends, I'll ignore him/her. Plastic faces are not me.
I'm not out to please, I'm out to get the job done. I will make unfavourable and unpopular decisions if I think it'll do me/us good.
I'm not adventurous in my food. I don't mind trying out new places, but mfgf won't see me trying something I've never eaten before that often. Maybe only once in awhile. Doesn't apply to chocolates and desserts.
I have a stoned face in front of the camera 75% of the time.
I don't listen to radio hits. No Jonas Brothers, Justin Bieber, Lady GaGa, Miley Cyrus and all that crap.
I can't swim. My idea of 'going swimming' is dipping myself and flapping about in the pool.
I can't sing and play the guitar at the same time. Either one will run off.
I'm also a bad singer. I might be able to play mfgf's favourite song on the acoustic guitar -provided it agrees with me - but I'll leave the singing to mfgf.
I'll shock mfgf with the amount of money I'm willing to splash on my technology toys and musical instruments.
I won't notice the little things mfgf does to her hair, like cutting it an inch or two, unless if it's really drastic.
I dress practically, not flashily. Mfgf is welcome to help me out with my fashion sense but it must be in line with what I'm comfortable with.
I can't read maps despite having a decent sense of direction and memory of roads.
I don't follow trends in anything and dislike anything that is overrated.
I can get overwhelming and impatient at times, but rest assured, I'm working on it.
I don't really have traditionally girl-attracting features like a bad boy/stoner look and a to-die-for body. In fact, I look like a geek and am rather skinny.

Now, why I will make an awesome boyfriend:

I'll do my best to sustain the relationship even if it means fighting a losing battle.
I'll give mfgf my best in the relationship because I take my commitments seriously.
I'm confident in my strengths.
I'm intellectual, witty and lame.
I'm as loyal as a dog. Can be either good or bad but I'll play it to my strength here.
I have a wide variety of skills despite being a master of none.
I'm a good listener and can listen to mfgf for hours on end.
I'm patient and forgiving. No matter how badly mfgf or even prospectives hurt me, I'll just let it slip and don't mind starting anew. Again can be either good or bad.
I don't mind apologising if I'm guilty of mistakes.
I don't care who wins the argument. As long as the problem is solved and both of us hear each other out, accepts and keeps in view each other's opinions, it's fine with me. After all what's the point of winning if I lose a loved one?
I'm a good driver. Mfgf can be assured to feel safe at all times when I'm behind the wheel. I don't tailgate, obey the traffic rules and I hardly go above 120kmph when I'm driving with people.
I'm open minded and am willing to have a civil, intellectual discussion about anything.
I'm punctual and take dates and appointments seriously.
I have strong principles and am not easily swayed.
I've never smoked, clubbed nor drank and don't intend to until the day I die.
I'm more than willing to stand up for myself and mfgf if needed be.
I'll be sure that mfgf never gets screwed over by her computer and/or other machines.
I give neutral, unbiased advice and will tell things as they are with good reasoning and logic.
I'll always be there to support mfgf whenever she needs me at any time.
I have interest, appreciation and basic understanding in any field of study. Mfgf can tell me anything about her field and I'll always be glad to listen to expand my knowledge and understanding of it.
I read. A lot.
I'm a neat freak. All my things must be in order else they'll agitate me. I've no time to dust my room weekly but when I'm do I'm extremely thorough.
I love to write and am an emotional writer with reasonably good articulation. Mfgf can expect nicely-written documentation about our relationship from me. I'm not a poet or a songwriter though.
I won't fall asleep while on the phone with mfgf.
I analyse things to great depth. It helps my writing, although I admit I overdo it sometimes.
I won't bore mfgf with sordid details of my obscure field if she isn't interested in it. Or anything for that matter.
I'll respect if mfgf needs space and time to do her own things - provided she tells me beforehand and not suddenly leave me in the dark about it.
I don't sulk for extended periods of time and do nothing about it.
I can pick myself up from any downfall I face.
I'll never do anything - not consciously, at least - to hurt mfgf.
I'll do anything to make mfgf, and my family of course, proud of me. Which also goes without saying that I won't do anything that will embarrass them.
I'm actually a hopeless, cheesy romantic. Which means that mfgf and I can go on typical romantic dates - probably with a twist from my creative mind.
I love and appreciate personal gifts from mfgf. In fact I'd prefer that compared to receiving any gadgets and toys from her; because while I can always buy those things myself, I can't buy the things which she makes, letters that she writes or the food that she cooks.
I don't sparkle.
I'm perfectly, absolutely straight.

I'll stop here, before this list gets out of hand :P

Friends, agree?

I hope I didn't scare anyone away with this, haha. This list might be inaccurate in certain aspects so I guess ultimately mfgf's the best judge of me - although I suppose this does serve as a decent guideline :P

:O

2010-04-19T01:17:00.003+08:00

Looking back, I can't believe it's been that long since I walked this path.

Despite that, some things never change.. mainly my inability to be productive!

Haha.

I seriously wanna write so many things, but unfortunately I just can't get around to doing it.

Just bear with my short, sporadic updates for the time being la okay :)

Full throttle.

2010-04-13T23:45:00.007+08:00

I wonder what's in store for me.. wish I could have a glimpse into the future, however slight.

But then again, doesn't everyone?

Pondering on life's little surprises.

Always give and never expect to receive.

But is there such a thing as giving too much?

Sometimes I wonder how I look like from other people's eyes.

Shelter, or a home?

The difference between the two is vast.

I'm running out of time, but it's precisely because of that I'm able to look forward.

Soon, glory will be mine, and I'll have the last laugh :)

Brokenpromiseland.

2010-04-11T00:32:00.006+08:00

From Bon Jovi's latest album, The Circle. This song has been stuck in my head for awhile.

I'm a big fan of them. In my opinion, they make the best love-centric rock anthems, namely Livin' on a Prayer, Always, and Born to be My Baby, among others. Not only that, their contemplative songs revolving around the same topic - These Days comes to mind - always seem to hit the right note for me. Not forgetting that Jon Bon Jovi is an awesome vocalist :)

***
Angels falling from the sky
Imagine that imagine that
Nobody getting out of here alive
No turning back no turning back
Who's going to bail out all our shattered dreams?
And scrape some truth off of these city streets
No time for praying get up off your knees

There's hope I know
Out on that lonely road
Cause home is where you are and where I am
Breathe in breathe out
There's only now
And all I got I’m holding in my hands
We're breaking out of brokenpromiseland

Let's close our eyes and just disappear
Slip through the cracks no looking back
We'll get a million miles away from here
And let the past just fade to black
So what you learn to live with your regrets
No need to fear what hasn't happened yet
Life will get you but you can't forget

There's hope I know
Out on that lonely road
Cause home is where you are and where I am
Breathe in breathe out
There's only now
And all I got I’m holding in my hands
We're breaking out of brokenpromiseland

So rise my fallen angel
Come on now come on now
Shine, don't let them break you
Come on now, come on now
Come on now, come on now

Come on now, come on now
Come on now, come on

There's hope I know
Out on that lonely road
Cause home is where you are and where I am
Breathe in breathe out
There's only now
And all I got I’m holding in my hands
We're breaking out of brokenpromiseland

***
One listen was all it took, and I was hooked. Hard to say what hooked me though, I suppose it was the contemplative execution coupled with some hopeful lyrics. Does it suit my current emotion? Hard to say. I admit that I am in the contemplative phase, but not in the context of this song.. not entirely. But I digress.

On another note, things seem to have gotten more interesting as of late.. I suppose I'm starting to see the bigger picture; the reason behind me being denied certain things I wanted. Maybe, just maybe, for once I can expect something different.. but I'm still relying on my two principles to keep me firmly grounded. Contemplative and curious I am, but I have to remember that I can't accelerate time.

Yes I know I owe everyone a proper blog entry + the Xperia X10 review. Just give me some time to catch up on work and I'll get right down to it :)